I laugh and tears fall into my mouth. "When have you ever cried?”
She sits down beside me. "I cry. Just... in my own company."
My eyes are trained straight ahead into the forest. "Nope. I'm not crying. I knew. I just didn’t think I would have to see it. Now the girl has a face and the relaxed Max who was all mine, isn't mine anymore."
"Yeah, like I said, dick move."
"Maybe he was making a point." I swallow. "Maybe he did it on purpose."
She spins to face my profile. "I don’t think so. He's a dick, but I don't think he'd hurtyou on purpose."
I pick up a stone and throw it down the valley. It clicks for a while and then nothing. "Whatever."
"What do you want to do now? We could leave. Do you wanna go back to the District?"
"No. I have a job to do here. I made a commitment to Aurora. I just needed a reality check, that's all."
"Okay," she sighs. "If you say so."
"Do you think there is any chance, however small, that she passed out there without him knowing?" The question is as pathetic as I feel. It's desperate and raw and hopeful where there shouldn’t be any hope, but I can't stop myself from reaching for it.
"No, Cassidy. He knew she was there."
"Yeah... yeah, of course, he did."
"So, are you going to keep your distance now? Or what is your plan? Are you going to continue sleeping with him?”
"I don’t know. I kind of can’t say no. I'm just so weak around him, Flick. I want to pretend I'm in control, but I’m not. He has the reins one hundred percent of the time and when we connect, I convince myself that he really does care. Likes me even."
She strokes my shoulder. "He likes you as much as he’s capable of."
"I suppose you were right."
"I didn't want to be right."
I squeeze my knees tighter. "There's something about him, Flick."
"Yep. The boys are kinda addictive. But you need to take your heart off your sleeve and put it back in your chest where it's safe."
"Okay, Dr Phil." I finally turn my head to look at her. "You and Stacey are fighting?"
She stares at me, her lips thin. "Yeah. It startedabout you and then... Well, she has a lot of secrets. That's all. It's getting on my nerves a little."
I laugh once. "You're dating a Butcher boy."
"I guess so."
"And she won't share details with you?"
"She's really closed off. Short-tempered. But..." She smiles. "Fucking beautiful!"
"Ugh, you’re dating female Max!"
We share a defeated, sad little chuckle. After a few minutes, we make our way back to the villa.
Despite the fact that I have zero right to be mad at him, I still am. Not more than a few nights ago at that dingy strip club, I'd given him something—something I'll never get back. It wasn't just sex. Not just physical. We'd shared a very real, raw encounter. He'd wanted me for more than just my body. He'd wanted me for comfort.
But I'm not going to offer him that gentleness anymore. He can have my body, but only because I want his. I'm not going to offer him my heart to help heal his ever again.
