She cracked a smile despite herself.
We didn’t speak before she murmured, “Well, regardless of your feelings for him, he definitely has them for you. You should’ve seen the way he looked at you. The way he kissed you. He looked like he was seconds away from tearing your clothes off like a horny Prince Charming, intent on waking up SleepingBeauty by poking her with his ‘sword’. And by sword, I mean penis.”
A snort escaped me. “That certainly paints a vivid picture.”
A picture that would get me into far too much trouble.
She tipped her head back with a groan. “Oh my God, you’re so screwed. You just went all gooey-eyed at the thought of him having his wicked way with you while you wereunconscious.That’s not normal. Neither is the fact that he killed two girls in your pavilion.”
My heart did a stupid skip.
The truth fell from me quietly, “They were going to murder me. Lucien arrived just in time.”
“Oh...” She slouched. “So what you’re saying is he’s madly in love with you and the rest of us can go home now?”
I smiled almost sadly. “Ugh, wouldn’t that be great?”
“The being in love with you part or being able to go home part?”
I pressed my lips together, trying to prevent myself from answering but a single word fell from me anyway. “Both.”
God, how had this happened?
How had my crush turned into this?
It forced me to accept the unacceptable because one, my discomfort levels were considerably eased—proving once again, somehow, someway, Lucien’s bloodwasdifferent to all the rest of us.
Two, he’d come for me, protected me, killed for me...
And three...regardless of what his true feelings were, I definitely had full-blown feelings for him, and I had absolutely no idea how all of this would end.
Chapter Forty-Nine
I STOOD ON THE ROOF, GLOWERING at the stars.
Freedom.
I’d wanted it for twenty years, but standing on the edge of it now, I wasn’t sure I would survive it.
Down below, the lights in the pavilion where I’d put Rook turned off, revealing she’d finally gone to sleep. A streak of ebony loped from her courtyard, returning to me after spending most of the night at her side.
I’d come up here the moment my pain had receded.
I’d stalked her from afar—watching as her friend left, Whisper visited, and I stayed alone in the dark.
I should be asleep and preparing for tomorrow but...I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Couldn’t stop replaying the feel of her breast in my hand—the delicious fullness that didn’t feel like anything else.
I hurt.
But this time it was her fault, not the vitalsync core.
I could barely stay upright without clutching the parapet, thanks to heavily repressed urges surging past all my walls.
Ever since I’d hit puberty, I’d shut down any spark of sexuality. I’d refused to touch myself when my body made it abundantly clear it needed a release. I never watched thepornography that Marcus loaded on my tablet. And even skimmed past erotic scenes in books—not giving myself any chance to fuck up by giving in.
The longer I smothered those needs, the easier it was to pretend I didn’t have them.
