I wake up the next morning after tossing and turning and barely getting a wink of sleep in between feedings. I let out a yawn, and my stomach grumbles. Not from hunger; from shame.
Shame for taking the coward's option last night with Clayton, making up some stupid excuse to leave and bearing witness to the pain and disappointment on his face I caused when I did just that.
After everything he’s been through with his former partners, I’ve become exactly what he doesn't deserve—another person who isn't honest with him.
16
Clayton
"Clayton? Clayton Palmer? Is that—is that you?"
"Fuck off," I grumble through a pang of guilt and take a sip of my long neck. "It hasn't been that long."
I video called my younger brother, Dunlop, because it actually has been that long. I've been MIA these past few wee—er, months, spending all of my free time with Vaughn and Mabel.
After what happened the other night, I thought it might be best to give him some space. Despite being happy to progress at his pace, I can't deny I was disappointed, even a little hurt, that he still doesn't trust me enough to tell me the whole truth. That's not fair on him, but where is it written that emotions have to make sense?
"Oh, hey, Clayton," Dun's husband, Robbie, pops into view. "You're alive. We were starting to think you'd been Steve Irwined." His head snaps between me and Dunlop. "What? Too soon?"
There's a beat of silence, then we all start roaring with laughter. I liked the guy the second he walked into a jobinterview and basically called Dunlop a prick to his face for his shitty behavior. Had a feeling he'd be good for him, and I was right. I've never seen Dun happier.
The three of us talk for close to two hours. They bring me up to speed on how the aged care center Dun bought and developed is going, their plans for a holiday to Europe next year, how Bremmer and Kelsey are doing. It's nice. I like listening to them talk, and whenever the conversation swings around to me, I take a leaf out of Vaughn's playbook and answer without any dodging but also without any extra detail.
I'm not ready to tell them about Vaughn because I don't know where we stand. We're at an impasse because of my hurt feelings but also because it's time for me to find some closure about Melinda and River. That one's tricky. Not because I'm pining to get back together with them, but in order to move on, my brain needs to knowthe why, the reason we didn't work out, so I can process and learn from it. It's a huge roadblock I haven't figured out how to navigate yet.
As the conversation wraps up, I ask, "And how's Dad?"
The way the light dims in Dun's eyes tells me everything. "Not great," he replies.
"But that's about to change. Right?" Robbie bumps him with his elbow.
Dunlop smiles, but it's not his usual sunny smile.
"What's going on?" I ask.
Robbie swivels toward the camera. "I'm going to whip Anson Palmer into shape."
I bring the long neck to my mouth, intrigued. "Go on."
Robbie exhales. "You may not know this, but my brother, Jarvis, has had a rough time of things. But he's back on a good path now, and he's just gotten his fitness qualifications. I've taken him on as a personal trainer in my business. Jarvis loves achallenge, and there's no bigger challenge than getting your dad out of his funk."
"You're getting Dad a PT?"
"Exactly." Robbie beams even though there's no way I see Dad agreeing to this. "And since Dun, Bremmer, and even Kelsey have zero faith that your dad will go along with it, it's only made Jarvis and me even more determined to make it work. Team Small for the win!"
"I like your enthusiasm."
"But you don't think it'll work?"
I don't, but I don't want to say that. By the sound of things, Robbie has enough naysayers around him.
"It can't hurt," I say, and when I see the diplomatic approach doesn't work, I add, "And, hey, if anyone can get a Palmer man under their control, it's you."
After the call, I'm restless.
And maybe a little tipsy.
And maybe infused with just the right amount of courage I need to clear the air with Vaughn. I pride myself on being emotionally intelligent, and while ignoring the guy may be an emotional response, it's certainly not an intelligent one.
