Should he tell Ollie he had a date? Butterflies swarmed in Dex’s chest. Best not to. There’d be too many questions. He should see how dinner with Luc went before saying anything, in case it turned into nothing but a hookup after all.
Honestly, Dex wouldn’t be disappointed if that’s all it was. Part of him preferred it. Dinner and getting off sounded pretty damn good. Dex didn’t do attachments, and any time he seriously considered having a boyfriend, with real feelings involved, his chest constricted.
What if he fell in love with Luc and something happened to him? Dex barely scraped through his parents’ deaths without dropping out of school and losing his job.
But he needed a change, and not a small one. The things that had kept him safe were starting to hurt, like living in his parents’ condo as if they might come home at any moment and thank him for looking after it.
Dex wasn’t comforted by familiarity anymore. It haunted him, and being alone was starting to feed his fears rather than soothe them. He had to sort himself out. Holding back and distancing himself from people wasn’t protecting him from anything.
Selling the condo was a healthy decision, even if the process was hard. Dex wanted to embrace his life and make it into something, not merely get through it.
A date with a hot, disarmingly upfront guy like Luc was unequivocally a step in the right direction, and after this first step, who knew? Dex might finally confront the other things he’d been holding back from.
There’d always been something missing with the guys he’d dated and had sex with, and the missing piece wasn’t exactly a mystery. Orgasms were great, sure, but Dex could never ask for what he truly wanted.
He longed for his sex partners to get rough with him, tie him up, whisper twisted things in his ear, and that was only the start. But he was never able to broach the topic with anyone—fear of judgment always silenced him—and he was too intimidated to seek out kinky spaces. Everyone would be experienced, and all he had were fantasies, which led to a whole other realm of anxiety.
It was easier to ignore his desires, but Dex was tired of nothing in life feeling as good as it should.
He reached Ollie’s building and buzzed to be let in, then slogged up the endless flights of stairs to the top floor.
Ollie answered the door so fast, he must have been hovering on the other side, waiting. “Hey.” He beamed, smile blinding and hair disheveled.
Dex stepped inside. “What’s up with you?”
“Huh?” A guilty look flashed across Ollie’s face. “Nothing. I’m good. What did you bring?”
“Coffee cake.” Dex followed Ollie down the hall and into the kitchen, where he unearthed the cake from his bag. “You haven’t made coffee yet?”
“Shit, sorry.” Ollie quickly grabbed a bag of coffee grinds and was about to dump them into the machine without a filter. He caught himself in time, laughed, and quickly found the filters.
Dex switched the oven to preheat. Something was up. Ollie wasn’t usually scattered. “Where’s Dante?”
“In my room. He should be out in a second.”
As if on cue, Dante appeared. “Hi, Dex. It’s nice to see you again.” He stuck out his hand.
Dex shook it. “You too. Hope you like coffee cake.”
Dante’s face lit up. “Cake? I love cake.”
“Ollie mentioned you prefer sweet breakfasts.”
Dante gave Ollie a tender look. “I love sweets for every meal, but it’s easier to get away with having cake for breakfast than dinner.”
Ollie laughed and poked Dante in the side, his demeanor more relaxed. Maybe Ollie was worried about all three of them hanging out. This relationship was a big deal for him.
Harper, Ollie’s roommate, sauntered into the kitchen as they poured their coffee—none for Dante, who made himself a hot chocolate complete with marshmallows and whipped cream. Once the coffee cake was plated, they trooped into the living room.
“What are we playing today?” Dex asked as he sank into the couch. Ollie and Dante were on the opposite end, with Harper in the armchair. “I hear you’re a gamer, Dante.”
“Sure am. I’ll play anything and everything.” Dante took a sip of hot chocolate and licked the cream from his lips.
Ollie fidgeted beside him. “Why don’t we chat and eat first, then gamelater?”
“Okay.” Dex frowned at Ollie’s renewed nervousness.
“How’s selling the condo going?” he asked.
