His cheeks flushed. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Oh. My. Goodness.Her heart melted into a puddle that pooled in her lower belly. Valentine’s Day hadn’t even registered for her. “You made me breakfast in bed for Valentine’s Day?”
He shrugged, looking like a bear in a dollhouse, and her heart couldn’t take it. She wanted to eathimfor breakfast.
“It’s not fancy, but…” His gaze darted anywhere but to her. He was utterly adorable.
“It’s perfect,” she murmured, and it was. “Will you share it with me?” She scooted over to make a space for him, even though there was plenty of room on the massive king-size bed.
That’s when his gaze landed on her bare breasts. Immediately his pupils dilated, lips parting.
“Four orgasms weren’t enough for you last night, big guy?” She flicked two fingers from his face to hers, snapping him out of his trance. “Eyes up here, Zeus.”
His low growl only made her smile.
Truthfully, she was used to people ogling her breasts and making comments about her body. But after a few years in the business, pride had been replaced by anxiety. What did she offer other than her looks? What would theypraise her for when age softened her curves and changed her face?
But when Jordan looked at her, like her beauty lived within her and not on her, her heart swelled with something dangerously close to an emotion she couldn’t afford right now.
He settled in beside her, sitting upright, and set the tray across his lap. “With you, nothing seems to be enough.” His fingertips grazed her lips as he fed her a strawberry, stirring a flutter of butterflies low in her stomach.
As she chewed, a comfortable silence settled between them, until he said, “I can’t be a father.”
Not what she was expecting over a Valentine’s breakfast in bed, but okay. She was, however, more invested in the end of that statement than anything he’d ever said, so she decided that silent chewing was the best option as a response.
He let out a long breath. “Mine was the best. Strong and kind and present, everything you’d want in a father. He taught us about hard work, caring for family, being a good neighbor, a good man.” When she swallowed, he dipped another berry in the yogurt and fed it to her. “He grew up poor, like food-stamp poor, and wanted better than that. He was the first one to graduate high school in his family. He enrolled in a trades program and became a roofer.”
She leaned toward him, his deep voice hypnotic.
He kept his eyes on the tray as he told the story. “He wanted better for Sean and me. Made sure we got to school every day, signed us up at the local dojo for martial-arts classes. He wanted us to stay out of trouble, get an education, and move up in the world. He worked so fucking hard to make that happen.” Lost in the storytelling, his expressionwent distant, like he wasn’t in the present with her anymore.
She traced her finger up and down his veined forearm to keep their connection.
“When he died, all those dreams died with him.” He blinked, letting the memory go, and reached for a fork, spearing the next piece of fruit with more aggression than necessary. “I turned my life into something my father would’ve hated. Now I have a past I can’t outrun.” Finally, he looked at her, his eyes hard. “I can’t picture having a kid and telling them their father was a criminal who spent years in jail. That the scars across my heart represent every life I’ve ever taken.”
Vanessa’s own heart thundered as she fought not to glance at the six circular scars below his tattoo. But she failed. Her gaze dropped, taking in each angry, puckered circle.
“Burns,” he whispered hoarsely. “Our boss branded us every time we took out one of our enemies. Said it marked our loyalty…our place in the ranks.”
Tears flooded her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She grappled to piece it all together: Jordan as a younger man, his life before prison. It was hard to reconcile the man she knew, her protector, with a man she couldn’t imagine.
“Could you see your kids going to kindergarten knowing their daddy’s an ex-con when others’ are bankers or doctors or plumbers? I would never do that to a kid, Vanessa.” His voice was vehement, filled with righteous anger. “My dad was my hero, the best man I have ever known. Every child should havethat. Not me.”
She swallowed the last of the strawberry she’d forgotten was in her mouth. It went down like a rock. “That’s why you don’t come inside me?”
He looked away. “That’s why.”
There was so much to say, she didn’t even know where to start. “But I told you I was on birth control.”
His answering shrug was minuscule. “It’s not 100 percent.”
Somewhere in her overloaded brain, she understood his logic. Double protection, and all that, but somehow it didn’t take away the deep ache in her heart.
He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. “I know it doesn’t sound rational. You have to understand that before I went to jail, I never had sex without a condom. After I got out—” A crease formed between his brows while his jaw tightened. “I never had sex until you.”
She had no idea why that filled her heart the way it did. Numbers didn’t matter. They never had for her, but knowing she was number one in his new life meant everything. It made her want to stay the only one forever.
“Prison changed me. It changed the way I see and understand everything. It turned my gray soul black. But with you, there are these glimmers of hope that break through like rays of light through blinds. You make me want to be reckless.”
