Lifting her head, she searched for his eyes, the gray meeting hers with worry, sadness, so much regret. She traced her thumb across the soft skin under his lashes. “I have to go back to my condo.”
He shook his head. “I won’t let you.”
“It’s not forever. It’s just?—”
“Just what?” He straightened, not letting go, but adjusting so they faced each other.
“You said you wanted to do things differently this time. And so do I.” It hurt, looking at him like this, knowing they were going to be parted. “I talked to my father, and the conversation was good. Really, really good.” She nodded, and her tears spilled. “I learned so many things from my conversation with him. Barone & Sons can’t be the one thing that I hinge my happiness on like I have been doing. My whole identity has been wrapped up in that company. I felt like if I didn’t have that, then what did I have?”
Joel listened with his whole body, his brow creased and his focus unwavering. She loved him so much that her heart rolled painfully in her chest.
“A part of me feels like that about you too.” She swiped the tears from under her eyes. “Like if I don’t have you, who am I? What do I have? The last four years I’ve been so lost without you, like I was half of myself. And I pouredwhatever was left into the company.” Tears fell freely, but neither of them made a move to stem the flow. “Losing the baby only made the void worse. Like everything that was missing in my life got louder somehow. Barone & Sons became... the only thing keeping me tethered to sanity.”
His expression softened, like he understood that sentiment very well, and she knew he did.
“I love Barone & Sons, and I—” Her palm moved to his cheek. “I love you.”
Joel inhaled like he wanted to speak, but she forged on. “I have a chance with both now, and I don’t want to screw up, and I will if I don’t take time to savor all this. You and me, us, working with my father a few more months before he retires. I want to slow everything down. I want to enjoy the anticipation I now feel when I’m apart from you.”
He closed his eyes and she knew he was processing what she’d told him. When he looked at her again, she continued.
“I want to go on dates. We never did that. And I want us to see a therapist, so we can talk about the things we’re both terrified of—like our marriage not being strong enough to withstand another blow, or having another baby, or the dozens of other things that have kept us apart for four years instead of keeping us together. We need help.”
“I told you I’d do anything you needed, and I will.” He sounded choked, gravelly. “But don’t ask me to stay away from you.”
“I’m not. I don’t want that. I want us to slow down. Eventually, I want to pack up my condo, sell it, and move my things in here—all of them, not just a suitcase full. That will take time, Joel, and I deserve it. You do as well. Please understand.”
He leaned his forehead against hers and breatheddeeply, eyes closing. Her heart pounded wildly between them.
Finally, he said, “As long as you aren’t leaving forever.”
“I’m not. I promise.”
His eyes opened and held hers fervently. “Andas long as youstill promise to marry me.”
“I already did, and I would again. Every time.” She looped her arms around his neck. “My soul chose you. There’s no coming back from that, Joel.”
They stayed sealed together. He wasn’t happy about her decision, she could tell, but he’d never withhold from her what she needed. That was Joel, the focused businessman who always went after what he wanted. Bargaining but also meeting her halfway. And she loved him so much for it.
Finally, he pulled back. “We’ll do this your way. Even though I don’t like it.”
She chuckled at his predictability and hugged him hard. “I have a feeling there will be more of this in the future, you doing things for me you don’t like.”
He grumbled something she didn’t understand against her neck and it tickled. She loved the sensation, and him, and this intimacy. This was good. In the core of her heart, she knew this was good.
And speaking of good…she leaned back a bit. “So I did some research.”
Joel lifted his eyebrow. “I’m afraid to ask on what.”
She would have laughed, but this was too serious. “Luca’s Wings.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” She waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“We weren’t speaking much, and, I don’t know, I—couldn’t.”
“I spent a lot of time on Google. Your name never once comes up. I wouldn’t have known the organization had anything to do with you if I hadn’t heard your assistant mention it today.”
