This was why her sister had left as soon as she could. She and Maria were like oil and water. Maria was old school and her expectations were high. For Maria, success was a family affair. You did something for the betterment and the success of your family. But Vanessa had chased her own dreams, built her success on her own, and enjoyed it. For Vanessa, the pressure to be tied to family was stifling and annoying.
Lucy didn’t share the sentiment. The way she saw it, her family had done a lot for her, and it was her obligation to do everything she could to support them in return.
There were times where she felt stifled, many times when she was annoyed, especially when most of her family didn’t take her seriously or listen to what she said. But she was beginning to realize that had more to do with her own inability to give herself a voice than anything wrong in her family.
“Zia, the bar is perfect. Trust me, it’s not some run down, side of the road biker bar you’re imagining. Bowie’s is popular. It’s the place to be. You should feel lucky that Gabe and Hope will be part of the family soon,” Natalie said, running interference while sipping her mimosa. “Isn’t it cool to think of it like that? Once Lucy and Joel marry, the Barones, Morgans and Walshes all become one big family. I can give Hope a free balayage in exchange for drinks at Bowie’s. It’ll be great!”
Lucy glanced around the table. Except for Ivy, who was still scowling at her, everyone looked happy and excited, discussing this big event like it was real.
After last night, it was starting to feel real for Lucy. Joel had said things that made her think he’d felt the shift too. But what if they were feelings of nostalgia?
Staying married was a big commitment involving sacrifices for both of them. Would he leave after their year of marriage like they’d agreed, or would he stay and try?
The thought was too big, especially with her mother and sister arguing about what wine to serve (Italian or Californian) and Ivy still eyeing her over the rim of her glass. Needing a moment to focus, Lucy excused herself to the ladies’ room.
Last night had been such a breakthrough, and the last few days together had reminded her that she and Joel were more than their combustible sexual chemistry. They shared a real bond.
But four years had passed since they separated. Joel had set up a new life for himself in Portland. Even if it was temporary, it was long-term temporary. They had their sights set on different things.
After eight minutes of sitting on the closed toilet seat, her heart still beat unsteadily. She needed a plan if she wasgoing to sort through her messy emotions. Talking had worked for them. If they had only talked four years ago the way they had last night, maybe they wouldn’t be here now. Then again, at that time in her grief, she would have never been ready to dig this deep. Timing was everything. And this was theirs.
Resolved to talk more tonight, Lucy got up, opened the stall door, and came face to face with Ivy, who leaned against the sink, arms crossed. They appeared to be the only ones in the bathroom, which, judging by Ivy’s steely expression was a good thing or…maybe a bad? This girl looked like she knew how to fight.
“He told you, didn’t he?” Ivy said, her eyes not wavering from Lucy’s.
“Um.” That was all she could say as her brain scrambled to come up with a game plan.
Ivy didn’t know Lucy and Joel were married. She didn’t know they’d lost a baby when he’d been away helping her and his sister. She had no reason to know or understand why Joel would have any excuse to break a confidence.
“It’s okay. I told him he could if he ever needed to. I don’t want people keeping secrets for me anymore. I’m in a different place now. Joel knows that. It’s just, I’m wondering why it came up, is all.” When Lucy didn’t reply, Ivy shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry, totally none of my business. If Joel believed it was important to tell you, then he had a good reason. He doesn’t make a single decision thoughtlessly, and he never betrayed my trust, not once.”
“No, he doesn’t.” But Lucy knew a hard, intimate truth about Ivy, and she deserved an explanation as to why. “We were talking about the complicated things that happened in our past. He told me about going to help his sister in college, in a very vague, limited way.”
“Ah, the past. It has such a hold on us, huh?” She turned to the mirror and pulled out a lip balm from her bag. “Funny how the bad shit can haunt us like a motherfucker. But when the good stuff happens, we don’t even blink. As if we deserve it somehow. Truth is, we don’t deserve the good or the bad. Both happen to everyone. And they both affect you. But have you ever thought about what life would be like if we invested more energy in the good than the bad?” She caught Lucy’s gaze in the mirror as she applied a coat.
Had she? Not in those terms. The realization of how much time she’d lost holding onto the negative was unsettling.
“Well,” Ivy went as she rubbed her lips together. “I’m still trying to figure out how to give the good stuff more power than the bad, but I’m getting there.” She turned toward the door, then stopped. “Joel’s had his fair share of shit to deal with. He’s always fixing everything for everyone else. Me, his sister, patching his family back together after Hope’s adoption bomb. Joel is always picking up pieces because he’s a natural born leader. He walks into a room and people have a compulsion to do what he says. His authority is hypnotic, but I can never hate him for it because he’s so…good, you know?”
Lucy did know, and yet she’d, nonetheless, spent four years being angry with him. No, not him, the situation. Only yesterday had she started to truly understand that.
“I’ve wondered if he’d ever have anything for himself. He’s always holding things together. It’s reassuring to know that he might finally have someone to hold him together.” She cast a long, meaningful look at Lucy. “You’ll take care of his heart, right?”
Guilt slammed into her. When he’d needed someone to hold him together, she’d been too broken to even recognizeit. Whether she could now was something she wasn’t entirely sure of, but she wanted to try, so she replied, “Yes.”
“Good, ’cause he’s a catch and a half. And for once, he needs someone to make sure he gets as good as he gives.” Ivy clapped her hands. “Okay, no more moping in the bathroom. Let’s go finish eating. Joel’s footing the bill, so we might as well order dessert and a bottle of champagne to go.”
Joel was supposed to be in meetings all day.
“How do you know he foot the bill?”
“Oh, because when Maria asked for the bill, the server told her it was already taken care of by a gentleman who phoned earlier. We knew it was Joel because that’s the kind of stuff Joel does.” She shot Lucy another look. “That good and bad stuff in life I was talking about, well, Joel’s the good stuff. And he’s yours, so don’t hurt him, okay?”
Ivy was out the door before Lucy could do any more than nod.
CHAPTER THIRTY
After lunch, her mother and Zia Ella insisted on inspecting Bowie’s, so they all headed to the bar where Lucy had the joy of meeting Carter, one of the head bartenders, who shamelessly flirted Maria and Ella into a puddle of coy adoration until they honestly believed the idea of hosting the engagement party in a bar had been their idea all along.
