“I want you, Sean,” she murmured against his lips.
“Ivy, it’s been a long night. We don’t have to do this now.Youdon’t have to do this now.”
She shut him up with another kiss. No way was he going to ruin this moment. Ithadbeen a long night, one that left her simultaneously exhausted and full of energy. It was like Sean had pulled some kind of plug, and the weight of negative energy she’d carried for years had drained out of her, and in its place was a freedom that buoyed her back into the light.
Shutting off the water, she stepped out of the shower and pulled Sean with her.
“I want this,” she reinforced, reaching for a towel, she wrapped it around her body. “I want you inside me. Over me. On top of me.” She wasn’t sure if he realized the significance of what she was asking.
He’d never been in the dominant position for their lovemaking. However, the look that blazed to life in his eyes told her he understood.
Before tonight, she’d thought that having Sean in any kind of dominant position during sex would trigger flashbacks and then a total panic attack. She hadn’t wanted to try it because things were going well, and when things were going well, she wasn’t one to screw them up on purpose.
But tonight had been more than a breakthrough. Tonight had been a rebirth. She hadn’t purged the events of that night in its entirety. What happened would live as a part of her forever. There was going to have to be a lot more unpacking to do, and she knew it. But tonight, she had shared the worst of her fear and self-loathing and guilt and shame and he had held her and told her what she’d needed to hear. So yeah, this was most definitely what she wanted.
Ethan didn’t own her sexual agency anymore. He had no power over it, and she refused to let him have any control over her.
More than that, though, it was the idea of Sean moving over her and inside her, his chest rubbing against her breasts while he made those sexy hot sounds he made during sex. It was the idea of Sean, her friend, her lover, her safe space, being the one to share this moment with. She wanted that, and she wanted it now. The thought of it turned heron.
Ivy dropped her towel and grabbed for him again, not wanting to wait. Walking backward toward her bedroom while she pulled him along by the hand, she savored his eyes burning into hers. He was probably assessing how serious she was, so she reassured him.
“I feel like I have this space inside me only you can fill. I know we’ve done this my way every time. I’ve led and told you what I was ready for and what I wasn’t. But tonight, I don’t want to think. I want to feel. I want to feel you. And I want to go with whateverwefeel, together.” When the backs of her knees hit the edge of her bed, she fell onto it with a giggle. God, she felt good. Free. Unafraid. Unashamed. For the first time in so, so long.
She extended her arms above her head, reveling in the way Sean’s pupils dilated and darkened, his eyes becoming two dark orbs of unmistakable desire as she stretched out in front of him. That was not the way a friend looked at a friend. Fuck buddy or not.
The thrill of power shot up her spine and through her body. But he didn’t move to join her.
“I want that, more than anything. Please,” she added, not expecting this level of resistance from him.
Thepleasemust have done it because he bent over her in one fluid motion, capturing her lips in a hot, greedy kiss that made her lose the very last of her brain cells. She looped her arms around his neck and hung on as he devoured her, sweeping his tongue through her mouth, leaving no portion unloved.
His hands roamed her body, along the sensitive swells of her breasts, and between them, over her belly and lower. He pulled back on a sharp intake of breath when he touched the wetness between her legs. His eyes were almost shocked at how ready he found her.
“Mmm,” she purred, her eyes drifting shut as his fingers rubbed and circled.
“Do you have any idea what it does to me, feeling how wet you get when I touch you?”
His mouth descended on her jaw before it traveled up to her ear. When he licked the sensitive underside of her earlobe, she moaned.
“Eyes.” His voice rumbled into her ear, and the sound, so deep and low, shot more heat toward her core. “If I’m going to do this, Ivy, I’m going to need those eyes.”
She opened them slowly and found him staring at her.
A glorious smile broke across his face.
“Stunning,” he said, and kissed her, slowly and thoroughly. “Keep them open. I want you looking at me. I want you knowing who you’re with. I want those eyes burning into mine when you come all over me. Understood?”
She nodded at him fiercely, her desperation so palpable it was like another person in the room. But those panting sounds that were filling the room, they were definitely coming from her.
When Sean started to move off her, she nearly cried.
“Just grabbing a condom, sweetheart.”
“Right,” she said, but didn’t let him go. She held his forearms as he hovered over her. Had she given a single thought to protection? No. She had not. Her mind had one track, and it was headed to Orgasmville, do not pass Go.
Ivy had never imagined a day she’d be able to let go so completely with a man. Then again, she’d never imagined she could feel like this. So perfectly safe that all consideration to anything beyond his next touch went out the window.
She wanted to celebrate it.
