“Because I can’t do it anymore, Ivy.” Deliberately he shifted to face her again. “I can’t be the friend who has to watch you be with someone else. I should have told you yes from the very beginning. I guess I hoped—” He cut off, pulling back a bit.
“Hoped what?” Good God, was that her breathless voice? She didn’t even recognize it. Didn’t recognize him.
His eyes were so dark they were nearly black. They shone like obsidian, revealing an anguished look before he blinked, and the emotion was shuttered away.
“I hoped you’d give up the idea. But you’ve clearly made up your mind.” His voice was cool and remote, opposite to the rough passionate one he’d spoken with seconds ago. He seemed all over the place, which made her feel better about her own emotional turmoil. “You were right. If it’s going to be anyone, it should be me. We’re—" He cleared his throat. “Friends. And you trust me. I won’t break that trust. If it’s casual sex you want, I can give you what you need.”
Gone was the heated, passionate man who’d appeared at her door making outlandish demands, and egotistically charged declarations. This man was calm, cool…inaccessible. But both men were Sean. Versions of the friend she trusted, and the only one she could ever imagine sharing this part of herself with.
No one else made sense. That much was clear now. He would, like he said, give her what she wanted, and not ask for more.
Before he could change his mind, Ivy nodded. “Okay,” she agreed, looking him up and down. Her gaze stopping at the bulge behind his jeans. She never imagined her mouthwatering at the sight. But it did. Her fingers tingled with the need to touch. “So, um, how about now?”
* * *
Holy mother fuck.What had he done?
Ivy was staring at his crotch like an alligator about to attack, and the reality of his situation hit him. They were going to have sex. All his wildest, dirtiest fantasies were going to come true. He was going to have this beautiful, fierce, resilient woman in his bed once and for all. Everything he ever wanted. And still, he couldn’t shake the feeling of dissatisfaction.
It wasn’t right. It didn’tfeelright. It was…unsettling, how forced and manufactured this was all unfolding. Not at all like the natural progression from friends to lovers, to everything and more that he’d imagined.
Ivy removed her heated gaze from his groin and turned to walk the short distance to her kitchen. He followed her, pausing when she stopped and reached for a bottle of wine that sat on the counter. Her hand trembled as she removed the wrapper from the top. The movement was slight, but Sean caught it. It was her tell. She might be turned on, but she was also nervous, reminding Sean again that this whole fuck-buddy, friends-with-benefits scheme was a load of shit.
He had no idea where it had come from or what she was about, but she clearly wasn’t 100 percent on board with her own idea or she wouldn’t be shaking like a leaf as she reached for a bottle of booze.
“How about we have a glass of wine, and then we can, um, move things into the bedroom?” she said to the bottle, not looking up at him at all.
Ya, no. That wasn’t going to work for him.
Sean made his way over to her. He’d agreed to this game, so he was going to stick with it, because he also knew Ivy, and once she had her mind set on something, there was no talking her out of it. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t do his best to get her out of her head and into the moment with him.
When he came up behind her, she stiffened in a way that a woman who was eager to have sex didn’t do. At least not any woman he’d ever taken to bed.
Slowly reaching around her, he took the bottle out of her hands, lowering his head close to her ear, inhaling the sweet floral scent of her shampoo that fuzzed his brain better than any alcohol ever could.
“No wine,” he murmured against her hair. “I fuck better when I’m sober.” He set the bottle back on the counter. “And so will you.”
Sean saw the fragile column of her throat work up and down as she swallowed, her pulse hammering so desperately he watched it visibly thrusting against her skin. As she let out a slow shuddering breath, he watched closely, keeping his movements slow and allowing her plenty of space. If they were going to go any further tonight, he needed to be sure that she trembled only for him, and not whatever ghost was haunting her mind.
When she leaned back so her shoulder blades brushed his chest, he smiled and allowed himself the indulgent pleasure of brushing his lips against her silky hair. She’d left it down tonight, so it fell softly to her shoulders, framing her lovely face.
“Ivy.”
“Yes.” She breathed the word out. Not as a reply, but more of an acquiescence, as if she were agreeing to something he had not yet asked.
But he was going to ask now. “Can I kiss you?”
“Yes.” This time her voice was more of a whine, like maybe she was as needy for him as he was for her. When she moved to turn around and face him, he stopped her, sliding a hand across her stomach, holding her against him. His other hand moved the curtain of hair away from her neck slowly. Slow enough for her to stop him, slow enough for him to stop.
He could have spun her around and kissed her, which would have likely been what she expected. But he wanted to show her the beauty of all the unexpected. The thousands of ways he could put his lips on her and still make her feel like he’d kissed her senseless. He had a feeling she had no idea how much magic could be created between two people when there was trust, affection, and relationship in the mix. And he wanted to show her. Oh, how he wanted to show her.
When she made no move to stop him, Sean watched the pulse hammer against her throat for five more beats, then lowered his mouth and brushed his lips to that pulse so he could feel it pound for him. Her breath left her like a balloon being deflated, and she sagged on his chest.
One upside to this whole friends-with-benefits charade would be getting to know all the things that turned Ivy on. As he trailed his tongue up the length of her neck, he realized he couldn’t wait to learn what she needed to come alive under his touch. There was no way in hell it was going to be easy, but it couldn’t be any harder than maintaining the boundary she’d drawn between them.
Friendship. Sex. Affection. No sloppy emotions, no heart-shaped boxes of chocolate on Valentine’s Day, no love letters covertly slipped into jacket pockets, no shared playlists. No romance. No love.
And fuck was that going to be hard. Not only because he wanted those cliché things, but because he’d already started having feelings for Ivy so long ago, she’d turn tail and run if she knew. Doing this with her, the way she was insisting on doing it, was going to require him to dig up acting skills he wasn’t sure he had.
