“I can be whatever you need me to be,” the alpha said quietly. He stroked Killian’s side, slow caresses that spread warmth into Killian’s body. His chest was solid, his breath rhythmic. He tucked his cheek against the side of Killian’s head, and held him for a long time.
“You make me feel safe,” Killian blurted. “Like I’m the squishy part of an oyster and you’re the shell around me.”
A slow exhale. “I’m glad. Do you want me in my wolf shape, or is this okay?”
“This is fine for now.” Killian snuggled more deeply into Crush’s chest. “Did your parents ever beat you?”
Crush stiffened again. Killian heard his pulse thunder; Crush took several deep breaths. “No. My parents never really beat us.There were spankings, sure, but nothing traumatic.” A pause. “Do you want to talk about your mom and dad?”
Killian sighed. “Sometimes I think they never really wanted me. I spent a long time trying to be the kid they wanted, but nothing I did was ever enough. Gran was nice, but I heard my mom telling my dad that Gran didn’t pay them enough to have me as a kid. They wanted the money more than they wanted me.” His chest squeezed tight. “Lots of times, I asked myself why I was born.”
“Fuck,” Crush hissed, holding Killian more tightly. “How do you feel about that now?”
“I’m glad I’m alive. But it was a struggle to get here. Sometimes I wonder if there are children out there, whose parents were forced to have them, but they grew up in an unloving family.”
Crush held him close and breathed. “I’m glad you’re here.” He took Killian’s hands in his own, petting the faded silvery scars. “These look like knife wounds.”
“From when I was captured,” Killian said dully. This was something he had never told his friends, because he didn’t want his friends caught up in his mess. But Crush was strong. Crush had already seen Killian’s past coming back to haunt him. “I was fourteen and staying out late because no one was waiting for me at home. Some alphas grabbed me from the park; they held me against my will and threatened to hurt me unless I obeyed.”
Crush growled. “Did you obey?”
“Not at first.” Killian sagged. “They beat me until I gave in. They sprained my ankles so I couldn’t run, then they forced me to learn how to shoot a gun.”
Crush’s heart was pounding loudly. He carefully ran his hands down Killian’s legs. “Did you get any treatment?”
“They had a doctor with them who wrapped up my ankles. But they threatened to break my legs if I tried to escape. Then they threatened to shoot me unless I killed whoever they wanted. The first time I refused, they tied me up and stabbed me, and left the knife in there for an hour. I threw up so many times. Then it got infected, and they treated it, but they never let me forget what they could do to me if I refused again.”
“So the scars on your hands, on your arms...”
“Some of them were from me when I didn’t know how to handle a knife. Some of them were from people I was sent to kill. And some of them were fromthem,when I disobeyed.”
Crush cursed lowly, terrible words that Killian would’ve agreed with, once upon a time. Now, Killian was just exhausted.
He squirmed around, straddling Crush’s lap from the other direction so he could hide his face in Crush’s neck.
“How long were you with them?”
“Three years. I had gotten really good at killing by then, and I plotted for a while to kill them all and escape. But... I thought I got them all.” Killian hunched his shoulders, hiding against Crush’s chest. “I don’t know who’s after me now.”
“Shh, shh. You’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it,” Crush murmured, rubbing his back. “Did your parents ever look for you?”
Killian shook his head. “After I escaped, I looked. They never even filed a police report for me.”
The alpha breathed out angrily. “Fuck!”
He ran his hands up and down Killian’s arms, leaving his earthy forest scent all over Killian’s skin. “You’re mine now. Covered in my scent. Mine.”
Killian shivered, his skin tingling everywhere Crush touched. “Are you sure? I’m... broken. I have nightmares. Sometimes I have flashbacks. You don’t even know me.”
“I know enough,” Crush growled.
“But what if I kill you in my sleep?!” Killian cried.
Crush slanted a look at him. “You can do that?”
“I have the muscle memory. If you have a gun or dagger nearby, you can’t place it within my reach.” Killian froze. “Wait. I just assumed I was gonna share your bed. Oh, rabbit gods.”
The alpha smiled. “Iwouldlike it if you shared my bed.”
