If I didn’t, she would grow to hate me.
And though I couldn’t let her love me, I didn’t think I could live with her hatred.
It would be even worse than the current torment of having her so close but never trulyhaving her.
No, when the time came, I would do the right thing and let Raewyn leave.
In the meantime, I didn’t have the strength to keep avoiding her.
It was weak of me, but I would allow myself to bask in her presence for as long as it lasted, dancing as close as I could get to the beckoning flame without getting burned.
Chapter 14
Out of Excuses
Raewyn
No meetings were scheduled for the following day, so apparently myservicesweren’t needed. I hadn’t seen Pharis all morning.
Perhaps he’d taken Dargan and chased down Lady Glenna’s carriage on the road last night, changing his mind about accepting her “offer” after all.
My ribs constricted at the mental image, making my organs feel cramped and queasy.
Restless, I prowled about the castle and tried reading, but it didn’t provide the usual escape. My mind kept drifting away from the pages.
In late afternoon, I decided to go for a walk on the grounds. I needed a change of scenery, and as it was peak leaf season, the estate was ablaze with beautiful fall colors.
Kem and the other girls were busy with their duties, so I was left alone with my thoughts as I walked.
Unfortunately, they kept turning to Pharis’ teasing voice and hypnotic cyan eyes… and the drawing of me that he’d kept by his bedside.
Why? The question refused to leave me alone. I couldn’t help but think he must care for me.
But if he did, why did he keep denying it?
And if he didn’t, why was he keeping me here? He had enough glamours of his own at this point—did he really need my “help” to do whatever he was doing with the visiting nobles?
At some point during my stroll, I decided that the next time I saw him I would confront him and demand an explanation for his bizarre hot and cold behavior.
That, or kiss him and find out where hereallystood on the matter.
It was chilly out today, the tree leaves rattling in the breeze and the temperature dropping rapidly as the sun sank lower in the sky. I pulled my shawl around me and walked a little more quickly.
This part of the winding path was quite far from the house, but it led directly past the estate’s hot springs pools. Though they were still at a distance, I could see steam rising from them into the cool early evening air.
I headed in that direction with a mind toward standing at the edge of them and warming myself in the comforting steam heat or maybe even taking off my shoes and wading into the shallows a bit to soothe my cold toes.
I’d bathed in the natural pools a time or two when I could persuade Kem to take a few minutes off and join me. It was a little late for that today, and I had no bathing outfit with me, but just looking at the mineral pools was pleasure enough. They were a wonder like nothing I’d ever seen before.
Composed of white travertine and descending down the hillside in a stairstep manner, the individual pools joined to form a sort of honeycomb configuration. It would be beautiful to see them at sunset, reflecting the waning rays of the day.
When I finally rounded the bend and the terraced pools came into view, though, I stopped abruptly.
Pharis was there, bathing in one of them. And he was naked.
At least the part of him that I could see.
He was facing away from me and appeared to be watching the sunset. Admittedly, it was a gorgeous sight, the high, thin clouds painted in magical shades of pink and orange.
