Pharis
How had we even gotten here, on the subject of my greatest shame?
Raewyn had a habit of ferreting out my weak spots and piercing them with pinpoint precision.
“I wish you would talk to me,” she said.
“We are talking.”
“About food.” She rolled her eyes impatiently. “I meant about real things, and you know it. For the gods’ sake, we’ve faced life and death situations together more times than I can count now. Why can we not have a real conversation?”
Reaching across the blanket, she placed her soft hand on top of mine and folded her fingers so the tips of them slid in between mine.
Of all the physical contact I’d ever shared with a woman, this felt the most intimate.
I pulled my hand away and picked up my wine glass for another gulp I definitely did not need. Lowered inhibitions around Raewyn were not a good idea.
“Unroll from your protective ball and let me in past those pangolin scales of yours,” she pleaded. “I’m not a stalking mountain lion, Pharis.”
No, she was something far more dangerous.
“I told youmypainful story last night,” she reminded me.
She had, and it had nearly ripped my heart in half.
I’d been touched that Raewyn had decided to reveal such a private detail of her life, choosing to share it with me of all people when she’d told no one else.
Then I’d gone and acted like a child, pouting about her refusal to share a bed with me. The truth was, I’d been consumed by jealousy.
Jealousy I had no right to feel.
Knowing Stellon had shared experiences with Raewyn that I craved for myself burned me. But she’d been right about observing the rules of propriety for the girls’ sake, and it was for the best—I knew that.
Having those experiences with her would only make it harder to leave her once we moved on from Havendor and I got the Hennessey family settled in their new land.
And Ihadto leave her. Didn’t I?
Honoring Wyll’s request that I leave him and the girls here and go on the run with Raewyn, just the two of us, would mean permanently leaving behind the rest of my life as well.
Could I really do that?
I certainly felt like I could happily spend every day for the rest of eternity with her. Now that I knew she was half-Elven, eternity was a legitimate possibility.
But giving up my connection to Stellon and Mareth? Never seeing them again?
It seemed unthinkable.
Anyway, I had no idea if Raewyn would even be amenable to such a prospect.
“Please, Pharis,” she said. “I’ll never tell a soul, but it might make you feel better to talk about it.”
It wouldn’t. But for some reason, I decided to do it anyway.
“Fine. You want me to talk? You want the truth? Her death was my fault.”
Blunt, but accurate. It was a truth I’d never shared with anyone, not even my brother and sister.
“Oh Pharis,” Raewyn whispered, shaking her head slowly. “I’m sure that’s not the case. You were still a boy when she died.”
