She narrowed her eyes. “Jason. What are you trying to say?”
“My aunt,” I said. “Ophelia. She’s coming back next week.”
“Okay…?”
“She told me five years ago she’d leave the diner to me if I proved I’d built a stable life. That meant running the business, which I’ve done. And being in a committed relationship. Which I haven’t.”
Emily stared at me like I’d started speaking another language.
“She wants proof,” I said. “Romance. Receipts. Matching aprons, probably. She threatened to sell the place if I’m still single when she gets here.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I wish.”
She blinked. Then blinked again. “So let me get this straight. You’re offering me the job and asking me to pretend we’re back together?”
“Only while she’s in town,” I said. “Just enough to make it believable. You’d be helping me deal with her.”
Emily made a sound that tried to be a laugh and failed. “Jason. This is insane.”
“I know.”
“You want me to fake date my ex-boyfriend, and you think that won’t be complicated?”
“No,” I said. “I think it’ll be very complicated. And painful.”
“Well, at least you’re honest.”
A seagull screamed from a nearby lamppost.
“The job is real,” I said. “Paid. Yours, whether or not you agree to the other party. Although if you don’t agree, my aunt sells the diner and none of us has a job.”
She stared at me for a long moment. “This is emotional blackmail.”
“It’s desperate flailing wrapped in mutual benefit.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Fine. Hypothetically. If I agreed to this circus, there would be rules.”
“Of course.”
“Temporary. This is for Ophelia only. No public displays of affection unless required. No sleepovers. No gross couple nicknames.”
“I would never.”
“No emotional sabotage. No rehashing the breakup. And if you smirk when I have to hold your hand in front of your aunt?—”
“I’ll cry,” I said. “Loudly. In public.”
She sighed. “And the job is really mine?”
“Really. Salary. Title. Dental if you stay past thirty days.”
She looked down at her folder. Then back at me.
“This is the dumbest idea I’ve ever agreed to,” she said.
I held out my hand.
