“I am curious though... How did you get ahold of both a braceandits mother piece?” Vilder’s russet gaze bores into mine. “In addition, of course, to the question you have yet to answer: How did you end up with a wound that was so clearly caused by godsbane?” Leaning back against a boulder, he crosses his arms, and Seniia drops down next to him. Even Gray lifts her head, perking her ears as if she wants an answer too.
I hold his gaze for a long time, then look to Seniia. How much of their futures have they sacrificed to come be with me? I let out a shaky breath. No more secrets, I decide. Not with these two.
And so, I tell them everything, leaving out only the intimate dreams I have about Aster. Those are mine alone.
“WE DO NOT ACCEPT A gift from a Rean outside of our anam’caeur or close family,” Vilder says. “Reü took advantage of your ignorance.”
“He deserved to die,” Seniia says with a shrug, causing me and Vilder to give her bewildered looks. Seniia doesn’t even carry a dagger, only her staff and boline—a ritual knife. That being said, I’ve seen her in combat practice with her staff, and I know she could take a life with it if she wanted.
“What?” She glances between us. “I know as a healer I’m not supposed to wish ill upon anyone, but I mean it. It’s what you get for betraying a friend.”
“I doubt he ever saw me as a friend,” I say. “But I get your point.”
“Well, that just proves how much of an idiot he was.” Seniia grins at me, and I can’t help but laugh despite the fact that we’re talking about someone I killed.
“Don’t forget that he decided to join the Void.” Vilder twists in his saddle to meet my gaze, and Gray lets out a low growl at the mention. “I knew he was a weak coward, but that was low even for him.” His face hardens. “Can’t believe he managed to hide being a halfling all these years though. And to believe the keeper himself aided that bastard when he knows the risk.” He shakes his head. “This is exactly why they’re forbidden—weak will, easy to corrupt. Honestly, you did the world a favor.”
“But do you ever get used to it?” I whisper, my shoulders slumping despite their encouraging words. “I can’t help but keep thinking that it makes me no better than them.” The minister, the umbra, Reü... I know I’ve taken down several umbra, and although the umbra were human at some point, it never felt like this. It’s been well over a week, and I still struggle to keep my food down whenever I think about it. It’s not so much the fact that I killed him as it is the way I did it.You stabbed him in the back, you coward.
“No,” Vilder says. “You don’t.” He pulls up beside me. “But remember that your action most certainly has saved many others. Sometimes one has to go for the many to live.”
I stare out into the distance, studying the snow-covered tundra. “Shouldn’t that apply to my life as well?”
“Absolutely not,” Seniia says.
“No.” Vilder gives me as sharp look. “Besides, we don’t know that for sure.”
Except that Cyra all but stated as much.
He leans over to give my hand a reassuring squeeze. “I know what you’re thinking, but there are too many missing factors.”
“And if Ero was helping you...” Seniia adds. “Ero can read the soul stars. He would not be invested unless he thought there is a chance of a better outcome. The route may be the longer one, it may be harder, but we’re up for that. Are we not, Vilder?”
“To the end.” He stares out over the frozen plains. “We go down together.”
My eyes well up. I must have donesomethingright to deserve the two of them.
Pulling my cloak tighter around me, I wipe the tears before they freeze to ice. The wind has been relentless since we entered the tundra that makes up most of Chì, and I’m in a constant debate on whether to hold on to Maeve’s reins or shield my face from the cold gusts.
“Void! Fuck this,” Vilder curses, pulling his own cloak up above his nose.
With the temperature plummeting steadily as we’ve moved farther north, the air here is crisp and cold. This morning, tiny ice crystals glimmer in the air like sparkling dust playing in the sunshine. The sight is breathtaking but does little to alleviate the icy grip of the cold tightening around my bones, and the constant wind doesn’t help. What I would’t give to be born with a warm pelt like Gray.
I pull Maeve to a halt at the top of a small hill that gives us an excellent view of our surroundings. Not that it’s much of a view with frozen plains stretching out in all directions, but it isaview, if a boring one.
Vilder squints his eyes. “Seems we’re lucky enough to meet a caravan.”
“Caravan?” I follow his gaze, only now noticing how the many dark dots in the distance are moving.
“The Chìens are a nomadic people.” He tilts his chin in their direction. “They live in tribes and usually have skins and weapons that they trade or sell as they move around, and I, for one, would not mind a warmer cloak.” He pulls the one he wears tighter around himself. “During the summer, they occasionally venture as far south as the Eldenpillars, selling their wares to southern Reans, but with Mi’Awal so close, the possibility of the mountain pass being blocked by snow is too great a risk.”
“You know too much for your own good. Has anyone ever told you that?” Seniia says as she rides up to us.
“Yes.” Vilder gives her a flat stare. “You do all the time.”
She sticks her tongue out.
“Careful, or you’ll get frostbite.” He pauses. “Although I wouldn’t particularly mind it if your tongue froze and fell out,” he adds with a smirk.
