“I am doing my best to protect you, Laïna,” he says quietly. “But I am not the highest authority here.”
I study his face, searching for answers he won’t give. There’s more to this than overprotectiveness—something deeper, more personal.
A flicker of pain crosses his otherwise-stoic features as his gaze meets mine.He’s holding something back.
“Twenty years of watching over her,”he said, and“How can devotion and duty feel like betrayal at the same time?”
What kind of divine command would make protecting someone a betrayal? The pieces don’t fit.
My lips press into a thin line as I study his now perfectly schooled features, not a single emotion evident in his ageless face as he stares at the landscape of clouds outside my window. When it becomes obvious I won’t get any clear answer, I turn my back on him and sit back down in the chair. I’m done with this conversation.
“It is not safe for you to roam around Caelen unattended,” he says.
“And why is that? It seems perfectly safe for anyone but me,” I challenge, tired of all his rules. All the Accepted are allowed to go there alone. I narrow my eyes at him in the mirror. What is he so afraid I’ll do that he needs to know where I am at all times? Somehow, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m a piece on some cosmic game board and Llyr is just another player.
“Besides, I’mnot roaming around, as you call it. As you can see, I’m right here. In my room.”
“Take a look in the mirror,” he says, as if I need a reminder that I’m human. “As you should have noticed by now, some Reans can be hostile toward humans, due to political reasons.”
“Because we contribute to the Darkening?”
His mask cracks for a fraction as he cuts his eyes at Seniia, who just shrugs. “It’s not like it’s secret knowledge,” she mumbles.
Llyr lets out a heavy sigh. “I have known you your entire life, Laïna. It was me who found you as an infant. I watched you take your first steps, held you through nightmares, but you probably don’t remember.” His voice breaks.
Something aches in my chest at his brokenness. I want to believe him. But I can’t. Of course I don’t remember—because he made sure I wouldn’t. The realization hardens my heart even as it breaks. Pressing my lips together, I swallow the accusation that threatens to spill out.
“I know firsthand how hard it is to keep you safe when you’re determined to put yourself in danger. Dear Mah, even with a brace, you found a way to roam around.” He drags a hand down his face, as if just being in my presence is enough to drain him of energy. “I will say this only once: Know your place, and for the love of all that is sacred, please refrain from meddling in matters that are not your business. We all know where that got you last time.” He strides back toward the door, then looks at me over his shoulder. “Do not make me regret giving my word that you can be trusted. There are forces at play here that you cannot comprehend, and if they think you cannot be controlled—” He stops himself, jaw clenching. “You will not like the consequences.” With that, he pulls the door shut behind him.
“That was intense.” Seniia appears as taken aback as I feel. “What was he saying?”
I glance at her in the mirror. “You didn’t hear?”
“Only the last part. When you sat back in the chair.” She runs her fingers through my hair. “Sound shield,” she adds, seeing my confusedexpression. “IthinkI may be strong enough to have broken through it—even one as complex as Llyr’s—but he would most definitely have noticed. With some practice, however...” A sly smile spreads across her face before she turns serious once more. “So, what did he say?”
I shrug. “He’s probably just being overprotective because he almost lost me. He was the closest thing I had to family growing up, and he has watched out for me my whole life.”
But he was also the one to put a brace on you, Laïna. And steal your memory of it.I study my reflection in the vanity mirror, dull, lifeless eyes staring back at me, doing nothing to improve my mood. I always believed that freedom would be the ultimate victory, that doing as I wanted would make me feel happy, whole. But it doesn’t. If anything, I am fractured, hollow, empty. The pit in my chest is bottomless, its darkness growing with every beat of my heart, pulling me into a chilling, suffocating void.
“Laïna!”
I pull my gaze away from my ashen reflection to look at Seniia.
“What?”
“I said, Do you want to talk about it?” Her eyes are filled with genuine concern. “I’d love to help if I can.”
I bite the inside of my cheek until I feel the sting. It helps push the emotional pain into the background. “I’m fine,” I say.
My mind wanders to the encounter with the dark-eyed lady. Did she play a part in this as well? I don’t know why I haven’t told Seniia and Vilder about the encounter, but truth be told, I’ve thought little about her, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it’s solely because of Aster and those stupid, stupid dreams. How long has it been since I met her? Close to a moon.
Seniia brushes my hair with long, gentle strokes, the bristles soft against my scalp. I close my eyes, savoring the calm.
It isn’t that I don’t trust them, not exactly, but there’s no getting around how quick Em was to betray me when she thought she could gain something from it, and I had known her my entire life. Not tomention Llyr. Besides, I brushed it off as crazy talk. Yet her words about my missing soul pieces linger. What if it held a kernel of truth? It’s becoming increasingly clear there is some information Llyr does not want me to have, places he does not want me to go, and I am beginning to suspect there is a connection.
But what if I travel to Anam’gate based on a strange woman’s ramblings only to discover she has tricked me? That would make me the biggest of fools. Void! She might want me dead for all I know. Then I will have lost both Llyr’s trust—whatever is left of it—as well as what little freedom I have here. But can I afford not to go? I will have to gather more information first, for sure, and supplies. But I can take Maeve, and that would speed up the journey. I chew on my lip, contemplating different ways I can get information out of Vilder without being too suspicious about why.
Opening my eyes, I meet Seniia’s gaze in the mirror. “I guess I’ll just have to do as he says,” I say with a shrug. “Kind of like it here anyway.” I force a smile, but it’s clear I need to work on my acting skills, because Seniia doesn’t look particularly convinced, but she lets it be. I sink back down into the chair, and soon I’m staring at an almost unrecognizable version of myself. Seniia has woven strands of gold into my mousy hair, and my usually bleak gray irises now pop with the kohl rimming my eyes.
