“Of course not.” Aster’s tone indicates that he finds the idea preposterous.
They are both quiet for some time, probably pondering the implications of what they are up against, and I barely dare to breathe, afraid even the smallest sound will alert their Rean ears.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Aster finally says. “Why?”
“The dagger...” Llyr whispers. “It is gone.” The shame in his voice is almost palpable.
Dread coils in my stomach and my hand instinctively goes to the sheath at my thigh, where the shadowshard is hidden beneath my skirt. Leaning forward again, I carefully part the star jasmine vines to widen my view through the crack in the door.
“Twenty years of searching the Voidlands, and when I finally find it, I lose it. If the minister or the umbra have gotten their hands on it...” Llyr lets the implication hang in the air. “What is even worse, they will surely know what we are up to.” His shoulders slump. “What if all these years of careful planning have been for nothing?” He starts pacing again.
“I’m sure it’s safe,” Aster says, sounding as if the lost dagger is the least of his worries.
“You are sure it’s safe? What kind of answer is that? Do youknowhow much trouble it took me to get my hands on it? And atyourrequest, nonetheless. It almost got me killed!”
I can tell from his tone Llyr is furious but there is something else there too: fear.
“If I say I’m sure it’s safe, I mean I’msureit is safe.”
“Youknowwhere it is?” His face shows utter exasperation. “Why did you not tell me?”
I can feel the blood leave my face. Does he know that I have it?
Aster shrugs. “You never asked.” Then he adds, his voice turning accusatory, “Youbracedher.”
“I know it was not ideal, but it was the best I could think of to hide herfrom ...” Llyr’s voice fades, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. “Care to share how you even know this? Have you met her? Did she tell you this herself? Void, Aster, you are not supposed to interact.”
I frown. IfLlyr didn’t tell him, who did? And hide me from who? There is so much going on I’m struggling to form a coherent thought.
“Yes and no.” His lips press into a thin line. “I met her in Bowen at Sa’mahta.”
And again at the initiation of the Accepted, not to mention in my dreams every night. But he doesn’t mention any of that. Not that he would know I dream about him.
“How did you . . . ?” Llyr begins.
“Recognize her?” Aster cocks a brow. “Ask your dear Mah. It is quite clear she has left out some rather important details.” He pushes his dark blue waves back from his face. “But the way she reacted at the mention of your name...” The last part comes out as a growl, his upper lip pulling back to reveal his fangs. Llyr, wise as he is, takes a couple steps backward, a chagrined expression on his face.
“But did shetellyou?”
The way Llyr presses the question makes me wonder what he’s after. I search my mind. Did I tell Aster about the brace? No, I’m positive that never came up in either of our brief conversations.
Aster’s jaw ticks once. Twice.
“You read her mind. Her memories.” Llyr’s voice is accusatory.
“Oh, get over yourself. As I said, you placed a fucking brace on her!”
“I did it to protect her! What is your excuse?”
“Protect her?” he growls. “Ten years, Llyr! Ten years she lived as property because you followed orders without question.”
“Divine commands are not suggestions, Aster. You of all should know that.” He rakes a hand down his face. “I did what I was asked to do. Why doyoucare? You were never supposed to meet. Outside of gaining the powers to fix this mess we are in, you have no part in this. And do I have to remind you that mind reading without consent is a misuse of power?” Llyr states as if he’s reading from a scroll.
“You’re one to speak. How many memories did you erase over the years, Llyr? Hers? Coperie's? Anyone who got too close to thetruth? Your gift made you the perfect jailer.” He lets out a bitter laugh. “Not to mention how you made her enter a soulbinding without her consent!”
Their arguing fades as the terrifying realization dawns. Frozen, I can barely blink, the implications crushing me. Llyr has takenmemoriesfrom me. And Aster . . . invaded my mind, explored my thoughts. The violation is unbearable, a profound vulnerability I’ve never known. Even as property, my mind was my own, my last refuge. But this trespass, this invasion of my mind, feels like a violation of my very being. A dizzying wave crashes over me. What he must have found! I groan on the inside. Someone end me right now.
“Then learn how to shield it.”
