I think about the way she shook herself as she got up earlier, before crossing the berth to check on me. It seemed like an odd thing to do at the moment.
“Like an animal,” I say. A vision of a deer I once saw in Bronich comes to mind. It came running out of the woods, scared by a crow, then, as it realized there was no threat around anymore, it shook its body as if to release the experience and calmly went back to grazing.
“Notlikean animal, Laïna.” She rolls her eyes. “Weareanimals—except you humans seem to have forgotten that.” She gazes down at me as I remain on my side. “How you humans survive at all is beyond me.”
“Not sure if we do . . .”
She chuckles. “It’s a rare thing to meet a human who is not in fight-or-flight mode,” she says. “And you are no exception. You have flight written all over you. When you’re not fighting off an umbra, that is,” she says with a low laugh. “Thanks for saving us.” A genuine smile lights up her face.
“I’m happy to contribute with something,” I grumble, and Seniia laughs her contagious laugh.
“Could you—” I cut myself off. It’s probably impossible anyway.
“What?” shesays.
“It . . . It’s silly, but I was wondering if . . . maybe you could . . . teachme?”
She cocks her head. “I’m not sure, but we can try. It has a lot to do with mindset. With your conceptions.” She rises from the bed and makes her way to one of her many bags. “Meaning, if you change your conception”—she pulls out one piece of clothing after another, strewing them all around our small shared space—“you can change your world, in a way.”
She pulls her nightgown over her head, throwing it into the corner—I notice she has many of the same glyphs that cover Vilder’s upper body—then swiftly dons a pair of dark leggings and a blue-green tunic that matches her eyes perfectly. It ends just above mid-thigh, revealing her long toned legs. I cringe inside. It’s nothing short of walking the streets in your stockings. Basically underwear.
“Humans fear death. Reans don’t.” She secures a golden belt around her waist, attaching her medicine pouch to it. “When our time comes, we’re ready to return to the embrace of Mah, the eternal mother.” She studies me silently, a thoughtful frown furrowing her brow as she considers her options. “I think the best place to start is to see if I can remove some of your anxiety, but it requires that you trust me. Can you do that?”
My face flushes. Is my anxiety that apparent? I let my eyelids drift shut while drawing in her calming scent—a mix of flowers and spices I don’t know the names of, and to my own surprise, I nod. “I trust you,” I say.
“Good!” She pats the bed excitedly. “Lie on your back.”
I do as she says, and she proceeds to push one hand, palm up, under me, stopping right under my heart, while she lays the other on top. Can she sense my inner void, the gaping soulless hole in my chest?
“Close your eyes,” she says. “And breathe deep and slow. In through your nose, out through your mouth.”
Heat radiates from her hands. It’s strange but not uncomfortable. I peek my eyes open to look at her. Her eyes are closed, and a soft, almost inaudible hum vibrates from her lips. I let my eyelids shut again, turning my awareness back to my breath and allowing her to do her healing.
The boat’s rocking becomes a gentle cradle as time stretches and blurs. Seniia’s humming vibrates through me, a frequency I feel more than hear, while colors bloom behind my eyelids—soft greens, warm golds, the deep blue of the ocean below, the heat from her hands spreading slowly through my body, melting tension I didn’t know I was holding. I don’t know how long I drift in this warm, suspended space, but at some point, the mountain-size knot of anxiety in my chest simply . . . dissolves, leaving me as light as a feather.
My eyelids fly open, and I stare into Seniia’s blue-green eyes. Taking a deep breath, for the first time, it feels like I can actually breathe. I feel calm. Aware in a relaxed way I have never experienced before.
She leans back so she can take me in, and something must have changed, because a radiant smile spreads across her face. “It worked, didn’t it?”
“I think it did.” I smile. The anxiety that’s been my constant companion for as long as I can remember has been reduced to a nuisance. I can still sense it lurking there in the background, but it’s not front and center anymore.
She pulls me into a firm embrace. “We won’t let anyone harm you. You know that, right?” she whispers as she squeezes me tight.
I stare into her eyes as she pulls back.
“You will be all right,” she says with so much conviction it’s hard not to believe her.
“I’ll be all right.” The words are barely audible as I push them over my lips.
She squeezes my shoulders.
“I’ll be all right,” I say louder, and for the first time since fleeing Llyr, I truly believe it.
chapter fourteen
PAUSING MY SKETCH, I LEAN back against the ship's rail and let the sun warm my face. The ocean breeze carries the scent of salt and sun-warmed wood, and I close my eyes, savoring this rare moment of peace.
Picking my pen back up, I glance up at Vilder, who dances with his swords in a way that defies description: graceful, fluid, as if the blades are extensions of him. Sweat pearls on his tawny skin, and with the golden glyphs glinting in the sunlight, he looks nothing short of a god.
