I have failed.
chapter twenty-nine
MY LEGS GIVE IN, AND I sink down into a squat, pressing the backs of my hands against my forehead. I can’t believe I made it all the way here only to fail on this last test. Why did I spend so much time on my way in? If I’d been quicker, maybe I would’ve had time to find a solution.
Staring down between my feet, a trickle of red catches my eye. I blink, then look again as what appears to be blood fills the small dip and the crevices of the glyph connected to it. Is that my blood? I’m confused. Why am I bleeding?
Then the reality slams into me. I’m bleeding.Iam bleeding. Here. Now. My first bleed! I want to jump up and scream with joy, but wisely, I remain still. I gaze up toward the Mi’Awal Moon, then back down at the blood between my legs. A slow smile spreads across my face from the sheer joy of it. I’m a woman! Or—I frown—am I? Bleeding with your twenty-first moon is a Rean rite, after all. This doesn’t make any sense.
I don’t look remotelyRean. Reans all look like living gods, while I’m as forgettable as they get, bland even for a human. I glance to the side, staring at myself in the mirrors, my pallid skin a stark contrast against the dark circles under my eyes, and the lifeless ash-brown hair framing my face. There is no slight point to the tips of my ears, and—my tongue glides across my upper teeth—I have no distinguished canines. Definitely not Rean. I sigh. Could it be a coincidence? A very welcome coincidence, but a coincidence nonetheless?
The glyph is now almost entirely filled with my blood. Does this count as a blood offering?
The wind is gone, and there has not been a sound for ages, only stillness. Not the empty stillness following the umbra, but a reverent one. An expectant one, as if Rea herself is holding her breath. I stare at the blood trickling, filling the last quarter of an inch. In a flash, every candle extinguishes, causing me to let out an involuntary cry of surprise as I’m enveloped in impenetrable darkness.
Then a soft pull tugs at my chest, so gentle I almost think I imagined it at first.
It comes again, stronger.
It’s a strange sensation, almost as if there’s a string tied to my heart and someone is pulling on it.
“Forget. Forget, child.” The voice differs from the wind’s voice. This one is soft and ethereal, barely a murmur, as if it’s coming from a dream.
Forget? I shake my head. Did I imagine it? “What am I to forget?” I ask into the darkness.
“For a rebirth to happen, you first have to forget. To die.”
“Die?” I flinch. There really is no other way out of here, is there?
“There is not but one way to die, child.” Tinkering laughter washes across my skin. “You need to forget. Let go. Any attachment to the old will snare you in the past, hinder your transformation.”
There’s another gentle tug on my chest, and there’s no mistaking it this time.
“Let go, child.Forget who you are so you can become who you are meant to be.”
“But how?” I cry in frustration. If there’s a way one can simply forget one’s past and move on, I’d happily have done that a long time ago.
“You know.”
For someone as unknowledgeable as Ero claims me to be, I’m sure supposed to know a lot. How can anyone just forget who they are?
My shoulders slump with a heavy sigh. I rub my forehead in an attempt to clear my thoughts.Burn me. Grabbing the glass jar from the floor next to me, I’m ready to hurl it at the cave wall. Then it hits me. This concoction makes one forget. Is that why the dark-eyed lady gifted it to me? Did she know?
Kneeling, I unscrew the jar and lift it to my nose. It doesn’t smell too bad, and I may as well give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen? I’ll die? I let out a dry laugh. Since that seems to be the very task I set out to do, I swallow down the entire jar in a couple gulps. The liquid coats my tongue with a bitter, mineral tang that lingers at the back of my throat. Yet, there's a slight sweetness underneath, like honey mixed with dirt. It’s not the best I’ve had, but it’s certainly not the worst either. Kneeling on the cave floor, I wait.
The next tug is so strong that I’m pulled upward, back arching, chest lifting, my knees barely staying on the ground. Another tug. Stronger.
I scream as I’m pulled apart. My physical body slumps to the cave floor while my consciousness soars upward at an incredible speed. In a fraction of a blink, the feet of my ethereal body touch soft ground. I’m standing at the edge of a beautiful shore, its waters washing up over my bare feet, and I’m surprised at howrealit feels.
“Hello?” I call. “Anyone here?”
“Quiet, child.” That same voice—coming from everywhere and nowhere at once—is soft. Gentle.
Mah. I don’t know how I know, but I do.
“Quiet.Only through silence can you hear your soul’s whispers. Can you hear them calling?”
I close my eyes. There’s the distinct sound of birds and the crash of the waves, but there’s also something else. Something familiar. A song of sorts, calling to me. Guiding me. Longing for me.Home, it whispers.Home. The sensation sends a shiver down my spine, raising goose bumps on my arms.
