She spun the computer.
“Oh, a cyclops!” Tracy said, leaning forward for a better look. “What’s he say?”
Sally cleared her throat before reading:
“Earth Female,
Your physical form seems adequate for my purposes. Would you like to breed?”
She stopped speaking.
“Wait, was that it??” Tracy asked.
Sally snorted, “That’s it!”
“Good lord! And here I thought these guys would bebetterthan Earth’s males!”
“Just goes to show,” Lou put in, “Guys are guys the universe over!”
“You ain’t wrong,” Sally said. “But I’m willin’ to give them at least a partial benefit of the doubt, considering language and cultural barriers, plus them bein’ all by their lonesome up there for how many years now? Some of these fellers clearly have some rough edges, but there’s got to be a couple in there worth talkin’ to…”
“And fuckin’,” Tracy finished for her.
Sally grinned. “Fine, yes,and fuckin’.”
“Download the app and read some more to us at lunch?” Lou asked brightly.
Sally looked contemplatively at the now 365 messages unread in her inbox.One alien to fuck for every day of the year, her brain offered helpfully. She didn’t mind the sound of that.
“You know what? I think I will!”
???
CUNTS TRANSMISSION 1.777.548
Sender: Andromeda Galaxy, Planet Designation: WLN269
Recipient: Milky Way Galaxy, Planet Designation: EARTH
Pleasant Greetings and Honorable Salutations to you, Sally of Earth’s Females.
I am Xenoth of the Z'arthaxian people, leader of the community domicile designated as ‘WLN269-88’.
First, please know that I hold your status as a female in the highest regard, and I must beg your leave if I do not follow the proper communication protocols. I hope that you do not find my message presumptuous; My people would be shocked if they knew that I, a lowly male, were initiating contact with one such as yourself. I, myself, am still unsure how I have managed to convince my appendages to formulate this message at all…
Ultimately, my reasons for reaching out are the same as every other male on this planet: Survival of the Species. It is my slimmest hope that you will consider my case for your primary consideration.
To put it quite plainly, without females, my people are dying.
The males of my species rely heavily on inter-gender (male/female) relations for an exchange of hormonal fluids and pheromones which keep our bodies in a specific equilibrium until we are ready to transition from male to female during the course of our life-cycle. You might ask why we do not simply allow these transitions to occur and thereby gain new females for our community, but it is not quite that simple.
Transitioning too early can, among other things, cause extreme trauma to the synapses, forcing the male into a sudden coma while his body tries to repair itself. Without the balancing fluids, this is unlikely and either the male will die or will complete their transition, but with a hormonal imbalance which causes extreme aggression.
I will not go deeper into the science (unless, of course, you should request it), but suffice it to say, with no females to help regulate our cycles, the few remaining males of my community are suffering from significant health issues and unexpected side-effects. The lack of female interaction has begun to take its toll on us all, myself included, and I must find a solution as soon as possible.
From my researching of your planet it seems that your people, like mine, have the ability to transition from male to female with the appropriate application of hormones.
Please forgive me for taking liberties, but would you be willing to submit a DNA sample to the H.E.L.P. offices so that they might transmit the data planet-side?
