They all shrieked with laughter and Tracy popped up from the table, grabbed the laptop from its usual spot and brought it back with her. She flipped it open and brought up Sally’s dating page.
“NowIwant to see how many of these fellers have a dick like the ones in yer dream, Sally!”
Sally almost choked on her burrito. “How d’you know my login?!”
“You forgot to log out that first night we set it up,” Lou put in, a mischievous glint in her eye. “So I changed it so you couldn’t check yer inbox without us!”
“Plus you’ve only got like 1 login that you use fer everythin’, Sal,” Tracy said, giving her friend alook.
“I do not!”
Tracy and Lou looked at each other.
“Was it BroncHo1234 or EZRider4321?” Tracy asked Lou.
“BroncHo1234,” Lou replied.
Sally threw up her hands. “I have officially lived with y’all forfartoo long!” She tapped the table for a moment, before grumpily asking, “What’d you change it to?”
Tracy’s mouth twitched as Lou replied with a completely straight face, “Slut4ET6969.”
“Oh mah gahd,”Sally buried her face in her hands, unsure whether to laugh or cry, or both.
“Holy shit, Sal! You’ve got 352 messages!” Tracy’s eyes were huge as she spun the screen around to show her friends.
All four friends leaned in and someone let out an appreciative whistle.
“Well hot damn!” Lou said. “What’s it been, like, a week since we put this thang up?”
“Barely!” Sally said, scrolling through her inbox. “Maybe Ishoulddownload the app…Jaysus, look at ‘em all!”
“Are there dick pics?!” Tracy leaned so far over trying to check that her shirt’s chest fringe landed in Chet’s burrito.
“Tracy, come on, not in ma’ food!” Chet complained.
Tracy flushed, sitting herself back down and carefully cleaning herself off. “Sorry, Chet! I got excited!”
“Well, how about it, Sal? We’re runnin’ early today. Give us a preview?”
“Alright, alright, fine! Should I just…start from the first one??”
“YES!” Tracy practically hollered. “Let’s see ‘em all!”
Sally navigated to the first message sent and began to read out loud from theCentral United Network Transmission System.
“Hold up, is their acronym CUNTS?!” Chet broke in before Sally could start in.
“Apparently, yes.”
“Incredible! Now shush!” Lou said, smacking at Chet’s arm lightly.
“Ok, message 1, from… well, from Bob, I guess:
Hello Red Earth Female!
I am Bob! This is not my real name, but my real name cannot be pronounced in your language. I was told ‘Bob’ was an appropriate substitute, so I hope this suffices.
Your coloring is quite pleasing! I do not know if we share the same visual spectrum, but if we do, my coloring would be called ‘purple’ in your language. Although we do not seem to have many physical similarities at first glance, I, too, have limbs and a body! Albeit, many more limbs than you.
