“It’s probably good that I do.” Brendan popped the other earpiece in his ear before Aiden even put his in.
Aiden needed to understand that feeling inside him that grabbed his stomach and twisted it dry like a rag. It pulled at his vocal cords, pounded against his temple, and scratched at his skin.Why can’t I understand how I feel about this?He shoved the earpiece into his ear, closed his eyes, and listened.
Infinite’s cracks showed itself the very second the meeting started.
They wondered who assisted him. They asked if anyone in the group had information to share. They insinuated everyone withheld precious information from each other.
“Surely Ms. Yin has something to comment about this matter,” Mr. Yang suggested.
“I most certainly do not. I have been shaken to the core by his betrayal already. I was the one who called him to be taken in the first place,” his stepmother reacted indignantly.
Anger? I should feel anger.Aiden clenched his hand as he focused his attention on their words, accusations, and tones. Their discussion of his brother’s death was concluded as an unfortunate “event” that disrupted their own way of life. They stressed over the money left behind, the state of the Hui family businesses, and the severed relationships, and how they’ve personally felt the impact. His brother was nothing but a piece in the system to discard with disappointed sighs and annoyed glares at his inopportune death.That should make me angry.
Aiden did not feel anger.
The talks shifted. They complained about the federal agents that continued to snoop, the gambling dens busted in various locations, and the aggressive police action in Hong Kong toward their growing business.
“Someone here is hiding something. Xiao Hui had accomplices—more than just the woman. They could not be successful so quickly and bold so suddenly,” Mr. Zhou said.
“You underestimate strategies, Mr. Zhou,” Mr. Chen interrupted. “If this whole operation was planned in advance, his accomplices are probably too far away for us to reach. We must make haste and start setting up alibis when they inevitably come knocking on our door.”
“Hey, tell me about the Guo family.”
Mr. Yang’s demand met complete silence. The chill of the room was felt through the tremors in Aiden’s ear.
“They do not matter,” Mr. Zhou insisted.
“They are an inconsequential family,” Mr. Chen said at the same time.
“I do not know much about them. My deceased husband rarely mentioned them,” his stepmother added.
“You are all liars. There is something about the Guo family. That name has hung over Infinite like a curse since I entered the top of this organization, and now is a better time to ask than ever.” Aiden could imagine Mr. Yang’s hand playing with a gun beneath the table.
Relief.He reached for a soothing blue ocean in his mind.I must be feeling a strange form of relief.He imagined a future with Infinite gone. Ambitious and murderous Yang behind bars with no form of escape. Cold and demanding Zhou disgraced with no hierarchy for him to control, no money for him to hold close, and no people to terrorize with his eyes. Softspoken Chen who rationalized and excused all his wrongdoings. His stepmother who forced him to work through hell while she painted the new mansion with her brother’s blood.It must be relief that’s coursing through my veins.
But it wasn’t.
The sound of bullets rang through his ears. Brendan jumped at the firing of guns cracking through the earpiece, knocking a board game on the shelf above to the ground. It crashed on Brendan’s head on the way down even though Aiden attempted to pull Brendan toward him to avoid the falling debris. The two stared at each other, dazed from their tiny chaos, but the escalating violence spewing inside their ears forced their minds to focus on the matter at hand. They both sat up with shoulders tense, hands clenched, and legs curled up.
Aiden missed what Diane did, but everything he expected to happen unfolded inside his ears. The other families instantly turned toward Yang, Yang spilled the secrets Aiden informed him, and shots fired wildly from the guns. The family heads angrily turned on each other with little communication remaining.
They hated each other.
The guns fired sporadically, and the sounds brought the memory of his mother’s death into sharp focus. He screwed his eyes shut, and he heard the same gunshots bursting through the glass, tearing his mother’s body apart. It was a rain of fury with no end and no beginning, whose only focus was to draw blood, end the enemy, and feel righteous for its accomplishments—lives be damned.
It was then Aiden knew what he felt. He pulled the earpiece out, and he searched for Brendan's earpiece, pulling it out. Brendan’s face grew paler in the gloom, turning toward him with a flinch. Aiden leaned against Brendan’s shoulder. “I am…confused,” he whispered. The sounds continued to echo out of the earpieces laid on the ground. “I want this to happen. I need this to happen, and yet, I feel bad. I want…I want them to live after all. I don’t want them to die.” Shivering shame blew through his conscience. “I don’t want my stepmother to die.”But I should, right?He left his unspoken question hanging in the air.If I am strong, I should want her to die.
Brendan kicked the earpieces away to the other side of the closet. He placed his hand against Aiden’s cheek, and Aiden looked up to see the color returned to Brendan’s face. His blue eyes blazed with confidence. “You are not wrong if you’re feeling confused. You are not wrong if you don’t want them to die.”
“How do you know?” Tears spilled out of Aiden’s eyes. “How do you know that I’m not wrong?”
“Because you can’t be wrong about what you feel. You might not be right, but you are definitely not wrong. Your feelings are legitimate, they are yours, and they are true. Ask for what you want. Demand it, Aiden. You deserve the right to be who you want to be.” Brendan grasped Aiden’s hands tightly. “And that’s why I’m here.”
I believe him.He closed his eyes, leaning into Brendan’s hands. Always warm, the heat transferred from the other boy’s fingertips to his heart. A small smile reached his face as he remembered the first time he truly noticed Brendan with his brother’s photo laid against his palm like something worth more than gold. “I’m not wrong,” Aiden said.
Brendan nodded. “You’re not wrong.”
A sigh escaped. His body crumpled against Brendan, and he continued to keep his eyes closed. The confusion continued to twist and turn his body, but his heart paced with a gentle tap against his chest. He shifted his hands, interlocking his fingers. “Brendan. My Chinese name is Hui Lang.”
