The smile still tries to force its way up, tugging uncontrollably at the corner of my mouth.
God. No. Absolutely not.
I turn my head quickly, shoulders curling forward as I bring a hand up to cover my face, pretending to adjust my hair.
Because if he sees the grin threatening to break loose, he’ll know.
He’ll know he got to me.
He’ll know I find this entire rubber-band-therapy thing stupidly endearing in a way I’m not allowed to feel.
Behind me, another softsnapfills the silence, and it takes everything in me not to laugh into my palm like a lunatic.
Chapter 54
Aurelia
For days, Nikolai hasn’t left me in silence the way he used to. I think he’s trying to prove a point. That if he can’t have my body, he will have my heart, because he’s everywhere, acting differently.
Unlike his usual jarring self, he’s bringing me food, sitting across the room, sometimes just watching me, giving me everything I want, except, of course, my freedom.
At first, I ignored him. Shut him out.
I thought if I stayed cold enough, maybe he’d snap again and give me the release I keep telling myself I want. But he doesn’t. He keeps trying, chipping away at me with things I never expected from him—gentleness, patience, even apologies.
Tonight, he sits on the edge of the bed, shoulders tense, eyes locked on me like the words he’s holding are heavier than the gun on his hip.
“I shouldn’t have shot Adrian in front of you,” he says in a deep whisper. “That was… wrong. Even if he didn’t deserve you, you didn’t deserve to watch. I’d take it back if I could.”
I swallow hard, the ache in my chest building. “Then why did you do it?”
His jaw tightens, his gaze dropping to his hands. “Because I couldn’t stand him touching you. Because the thought of himhaving what I’ve wanted for years made me see red. I’d rather kill my own blood than let him—or anyone—lay a hand on you.”
My breath hitches. He says it like a vow.
“Why?” The word slips out, broken. “Why do you even care about me, Nikolai? I’m just a pawn to all of you. Another piece to use, another girl at your disposal.”
I mean it. I can’t figure out why he is so intent on having me be his. I’ve made it clear I don’t want to be.
I mean, yes, I feel less pure rage directed towards him, but that’s because the way he’s been acting has thrown me off. He hasn’t even come close enough to me to give me the chance to kill him as I planned.
His eyes dart to mine, and there’s no anger there, only something raw, and stripped down, almost desperate.
“You’re strong. Stronger than anyone I know. You fight me even when you shouldn’t. You protect people you care about—even when they don’t deserve it. And you’re…” His throat works like the words are dangerous. “You’re beautiful. Not the kind men touch. The kind men worship. The kind that ruins them. The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you burn even when the world tries to put you out—I’ve never met anyone like you.”
I shake my head, still refusing to believe anything he says, but he leans closer, not letting me think of anything else.
“Six years, Aurelia. Six years since I first met you. Do you understand that?” The edges of his words are unhinged. “All I’ve wanted, all I’ve fucking needed, was you again.”
The room feels too small. My chest feels too tight. I want to scream at him, to claw at the truth he’s laid bare, but all I can do is stare, my pulse racing, my body betraying me with the smallest tremor.
* * *
The room is quiet except for Nikolai’s slow, even breathing from the floor. I lie on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, tracing the shadows the chandelier throws across the walls.
My pulse quickens as my eyes drift toward the window.
I don’t even think about the bedroom door because not only is it always locked, but I’m pretty sure Maksim or Ivan guards it at night.
