This time, I make it halfway out the door before he calls out again.
“You’ll ruin that little boyfriend of yours, too.”
I turn, feeling the color drain from my face at Dad’s words.
“That’s right. I’ve seen the videos. I know what you and the football player are doing behind closed doors. You think the world is all sunshine and rainbows, but what happens when the media figures out that the two of you are fucking? Oh, the press will just have a field day with that one. San Francisco’s football hero with the golden leg, shacking up with the disgraced, ousted heir to the Holmes fortune? What happens when your mediocrity rubs off on Elliot Baker, and the city blames you when the Redwoods sink their chances at The Big Game? Think he’ll still give a shit about you and your dick when you’ve ruined his career, the same way you’re ruining your whole life?”
It’s bullshit. I know it is. It’s all insane words coming from the mouth of a drunk, pathetic man who cares more about what the other fucks at the golf course think about him than his own son. None of what my dad is saying even makes any sense. Likemy love for glitter and fanny packs and hair accessories has any effect on the world, whatsoever. Who I am and what I do has no effect on anyone but me.
He’s just spewing shit at me to try to get under my skin because I won’t let him control me. I’ve never let Conor Holmes’s manipulation get to me before.
But this time, he found the one thing that gives me pause.
Elliot.
All this time, I’ve just wanted to be good for him. To be worthy of him.
Even if the crap my dad said makes no logical sense, it’s in my head now.
What if I’m not good enough for Elliot? Why did I think I ever could be? I can’t even keep the one promise I made to him when we started this whole hookup superstition.
I can’t go back to being his friend after I’ve fallen in love with him. And I can’t tell him that I love him knowing that he won’t feel the same way.
“Fuck. You.” I spit, slamming open the door and leaving my dad in the empty press room.
“Good luck out there, son,” he calls after me, a sinister, cloying hint to his tone, and I can feel the rush of all the good karmic energy I’ve harvested in my life flying out the window.
For the first time since I met Elliot at that club downtown, I step onto the ice feeling unconfident in my abilities and unsure of myself.
And I’m worried that everything I’ve gained in the last few weeks is about to be taken out from under me.
22
ELLY AND ALEX, SITTING IN A TREE
Elliot
After introducing Mom to Alex, we hit up the snack bar and load ourselves up with nachos, hot dogs, popcorn and beers. I stick to the non-alcoholic variety—I haven’t been much of a drinker since I started spending time with Alex—while Mom grabs herself a sampler of some local brews to try. I offered to get us a box to watch the game from, but she wanted to be down on the ice for a better view. And that works perfectly for me, because down here behind the net, I have the perfect view of my man stretching and humping the ice during his slutty little warm ups. Breaker, Lennon, and a few other guys from my team are in our row as well, all of us having donated to thepregame auction and showing a united front for San Francisco sports.
“So,” Mom says once the players leave the middle of the ice to make way for the musicians playing the national anthem. “When were you planning on telling me that you’re in love with Alex?”
The beer I’m sipping goes down the wrong pipe and I start to choke, while Breaker and Lennon erupt into a chorus of “What?!” and “I told you so”.
“Mom!” I scold when I finally stop coughing.
“Oh, you should have seen it,” she continues, ignoring me as she leans across the snacks in my lap to talk to the know-it-all couple on my other side. “We got to go back to the locker rooms to see him just before this. Alex called Elliot babe, and they shared the sweetest little smooch. It was so adorable, I could have cried.”
“MOM!” I repeat, louder this time. “Can we not talk about this here?”
“What? I’m just excited to see my son so happy, is that a crime?”
“No, but there are certain things that don’t need to be discussed in front of twenty thousand people and a fleet of television cameras,” I say through gritted teeth. Granted, Alex said he doesn’t mind if I share what happens between us with the people I’mclose to, but that doesn’t mean I want my mother outing him because she got caught gossiping on some close-up cam.
“I knew I recognized you-know-who from my time on the other side of the bi-guy closet door,” Lennon says with a chuckle, his signature man-bun bobbing as he shakes his head. Breaker just shoots me a disappointed look
“Dude, I told you getting involved with-” he gestures with his eyes towards the ice, where Alex is standing with a gloved hand over his heart while the national anthem plays. “was a bad idea. You’re going to get hurt.”
“Trust me,” Mom says, reaching over to pat Breaker’s thigh. “You-know-who is all in. I could tell in an instant. He looked like a walking heart eye emoji when he spotted Elliot in the hallway.”
