“Yeah, dude. I think this is the best event yet. Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with the kidsand stuff, but look at all these animals. This is totally my jam.”
“Me too. I look forward to the window adoption events every year. It's cool as hell that we get to actually interact with the animals and stuff today. I feel like it’s going to take all my willpower not take them all home in my pockets.”
“Oh my god, speaking of pockets, follow me!”
Alex takes off, running full speed down to the ten-yard-line. I follow behind at a leisurely jog, and when I catch up to him, he’s cuddling a palm-sized kitten. The tiny black cat stares up at Alex with wide, copper eyes—a shade so close to Alex’s that if I didn’t know better, I’d think he and this kitten might be related.
“Look, El. Isn’t she sweet? She fits right in my pocket! She’s the only one from her litter that hasn’t been adopted yet, all because she’s black. Stupid people and their stupid superstitions.”
I suppress a laugh, not wanting to bring up that Alex andhisstupid superstitions are the reason we’re in the situation we’re in.
“She’s cute,” I say, giving the cat a little pet between her ears. She purrs, snuggling close when Alex brings her to his cheek to rub against her fur. “I don’t think she’ll have a hard time finding a home today.”
“She’s got one! She’s coming home with us.”
“I’m sorry, I must’ve misheard you,” I say, sticking a finger in my ear and wiggling it around. “I could’ve sworn you said that the cat was coming home…with us?”
“Of course she is,” he coos between kisses to the cat’s wet nose. “She’s perfect. No wait, she’s purrrrrrr-fect. And she loves me! I’ve already named her. Scarlett, because of her eyes. I’ve never seen a cat with anything other than green eyes before. And look at how she lets me carry her around like a human baby. Scarlett is a little love monster, and she’s ours.”
He brings the kitten close so that their noses touch, the black void of fur mewling softly as she paws at his face.
“Alex, you’re a pro hockey player. You’re on the road for like, half the year. Who is going to take care of the cat when you’re out of town?”
“Her other Daddy, duh. You’ve only got, what? Eight away games? Nine at the most? And your season is already halfway over. You’ll take care of Scarlett while I’m on the road, and the two of you will FaceTime me every night. It’ll be perfect.”
I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“So the cat?—”
“Scarlett,” he interrupts.
“Right. Scarlett. She’s going to live with you?”
“I mean, yeah,” he shrugs. “I filled out the adoption paperwork already, and no one else has been interested in her yet. I think they might let me take her home tonight. I’ll just have to go out and grab a few things. A carrier, food, a litter box. I should probably get one of those robot boxes that scoops the poop for you, because let me tell you, Scarlett might be small, but her poops are powerful and smelly. You might want to think about getting one for your place, too.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to shove off some of the hurt building in my chest at the cool and casual way Alex seems to plan things out. He’s so sure that when this is all said and done, we’ll be totally okay with just being friends. Enough so that he wants to co-parent a tiny kitten with me.
Meanwhile, I’m already anticipating the devastation I’m bound to feel when Alex is ready to move on. I don’t know if I’ll be able to breathe around him when he inevitably breaks my heart, let alone share a pet.
“How about this? You take Scarlett home, and when you go out of town, I’ll stay at your place and watch her. That way she doesn’t have to be shuffled back and forth across the city.”
“Hmmph. I guess that makes more sense,” he says, wrinkling his nose as he mulls it over.
Wanting to move on before this cat thing becomes a bigger conversation that neither of us are ready for, I take Scarlett from Alex’s hands, placing a gentle kiss on her head before depositing her back into the kitten play pen at our feet. It’s distraction time.
“Did you see the goats, Goat?”
“What? No! Oh my god, El, we have to go see the goats!” I swear, he jumps five feet into the air out of sheer excitement. He nearly gives me whiplash when he grabs me by the hand and yanks me in the direction of the farm animals, but fuck it. Alex’s excitement is contagious and it crashes over me in waves, making me feel warm and delighted from the inside out. We snag two mats side-by-side near the back, and I glance over at Alex sitting criss-crossed, his knees bouncing like butterfly wings while we wait for our instructor to release the baby goats. Everything about him is pure sunshine, radiating joy and sugar and rainbows from every pore. He has an intoxicating zest for the little things in life, and I want to be around it all the time.
I want totell himthat I want to be around him all the time.
I want to kiss him. Hold him. Keep him.
Its so not fucking fair.
“Welcome to Love Story Goat Yoga, hosted by the San Francisco Redwoods! My name is Indigo and Iwill be leading you through your practice this morning. Today’s lesson is all about relaxation, connection, and laughter. The goats are our little helpers today. They’re here to help us to stay present in the moment and to remind us not to take ourselves too seriously. They may nibble on your shoelaces or hop onto your back, and that’s all part of the fun. If any of them are feeling particularly cuddly, feel free to relax and enjoy the moment.”
Indigo instructs us to close our eyes as we begin our practice, but I can’t help but keep one eye open, my gaze on Alex as he arches and rounds his back with each breath. I’m starting to think that Goat is the best nickname I could have given this man. Since I’ve met Alex, he’s been my reminder to not take life so seriously and to live in the moment. With his glittering hair accessories and Franny always at his side, he’s like a cool breeze on a summer day, encouraging me to take a moment and appreciate the life happening all around me. I could learn to be more like Alex—to live in the moment, to not think so hard about the future and the dread that comes with endings. I may be his gay sex guru and his good luck charm, but Alex is my goat yoga, my relaxtion space, my happy place. Even if it’s only temporary.
