You should. I’ve gotta gear up now.
Elliot
Get out on that ice, hit some sticks and smash some skulls. Make San Francisco proud.
Alex
You know, there’s very little stick hitting and skull smashing on my side of the ice…
Elliot
I’m aware.
Good luck, Alex.I’ll be watching.
Alex
Phew, no pressure.
Elliot
Dude. Dude. Dude. Holy shit. What the hell? That was amazing!!
Alex
*dusts off shoulder* ain’t no thang
Elliot
Alex. Are you kidding me? I’ve never seen a shutout like that in my life. Half of those saves could make the end of the season highlight reel.
Alex
I know, right? I was trying to be modest but…I’m pretty fucking awesome. Did you see the one in the second period where the puck ricocheted off my stick behind me and landed in my glove?
Elliot
Yeah I saw it. I paused my TV and took a picture of you holding the puck up while still face down on the ice. It's going on my vision board.
Alex
Your vision board? You want to be a big-time hot-shot goalie some day?
Elliot
No, I’m good with football. I just want to look as effortlessly cool as you do when committing god-like acts of athletic prowess. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.}
The momentI send the message, I want to take it back.
I could unsend it—bless the smartphone overlords for finally giving us that feature—but Alex has already read it. If I unsend it, it will just make things worse. So I have to sit with the fact that I just told a man I know to be straight, a man I kissed, a man that, for whatever reason, I can’t keep myself from crushing on that I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him, like I’m some lovestruck cheerleader on the sidelines at the homecoming game.
I scroll back through our messages over the last few days, wincing as my eyes pass over the other, not-so-subtle flirtations I’ve thrown his way since Sunday night. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m a thirty-one year old man. I do not crush on people like a teenager, and I certainly don’t allow myself to crush on wholly unavailable straight men.
And yet…I’m chatty. I’m watching his games and learning his stats. I’m googling “Alex Holmes girlfriend” and making myself irrationally jealous of every actress and model that he’s had on his arm in the last five years.
So, yeah. I guess Idocrush like an idiot teenager.
Maybe I’ll just find myself a nice hole and crawl into it, build a life with the mole people and never come out.
