I stared at him, watching his hands flex at his sides, like he was trying to control his temper.
“What do you mean I screwed up his life? He seems to be doing really well to me.”
“Yeah, thanks to me. If he hadn’t called me from the hospital last year, he’d probably be dead right now, or in prison.”
My eyes widened of their own accord, unable to contain my surprise and confusion.
“You’re gonna need to be a little more specific than that.”
Jae scoffed with annoyance. “See? He can’t even be honest with you about what you did because he’s still so fucking hung up on you.”
“I don’t understand. What do you mean he was in the hospital?”
“When you died, Nox went off the deep end. Pushed everyone away. Went he left for basic, he didn’t come home. Like, ever again. Despite my best efforts, I hadn’t really spoken to him in years. And it wasn’t until he called me crying from a hospital bed last summer that he finally told me everything. About how he was spending most nights of the week blacked out, how he could barely function without drinking during the workday.”
My stomach dropped.
“He was concussed and in the hospital because he was in a car accident. Thank God he wasn’t the one driving, but the driver was severely intoxicated as well. Nox’s lucky he wasn’t arrested.He’s lucky his leadership pushed him into getting sober and put him through a program. And all of that shit, it all started when you committed suicide and left us with those fucking voicemails.”
No. He said he got his shit together and left for the military. He said he made some immature decisions, not…became an alcoholic.
“I wished you never said goodbye. Those fucking voicemails, Shiloh.” He paused, shaking his head. “He’s newly sober. Not even a year. But he was doing so good. And then you had to show up…He doesn’t need you. You’re toxic, a fucking cancer. You brokehim. You brokeme. You broke ourfamily. And nothing you say or do is going to change that fact. You want him to believe that you were this victim, that you weren’t just using him, but I see right through you. And I swear to God, if you don’t walk away from him now before he gets in too deep, you will regret it.”
My heart raced and I was frozen, just staring at the man I once called a friend, that I once loved, that once loved me back. The vitriol made my already bleeding heart damn near cease beating.
I ruined their lives. No wonder Jae hates me.
I really did ruin Enoch’s life. I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve to put him through hell again. If I cause him to relapse…If I—
“Emory?”
Enoch’s voice echoed up the stairs, and I blinked out of my racing thoughts.
“Coming!”
Jae gave me a hardened glare, and I nodded at him, silently letting him know that I understood. That I would leave. That I would make things right. That I wouldn’t be the cause of their hurt.
All my fears, all my fucking obsessive thoughts and worries, were coming true. This was a fucking mistake. I should have given him a quick explanation and told him to move on.
I shouldn’t have stayed. I. Shouldn’t. Have. Stayed.
I walked down the stairs, my head swimming with grief, anger, fear. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him, but that was what needed to happen. I wasn’t a good person, but I could be good to him. I could do this for him. Iwoulddo this for him.
I wasn’t going to be weak. Never again.
My selfishness wasn’t going to control me this time. I would walk away. A clean break. And he would continue to live a life that was going in a positive direction, while I finally gave in and gave up.
I forced a smile when Enoch’s gaze met mine halfway down the stairs and nodded when he asked if everything was all right.
No. It wasn’t. But I was beginning to believe that it never really would be. Not for me.
Twelve
July 3, Friday
Emory
I heaved a sigh as I stared down at my phone. It was shitty of me to try and do this ‘break-up’ of sorts via text, but I wasn’t capable of doing it face to face. And maybe I owed Enoch as much, but I didn’t think I had the courage to say goodbye in person.
