I blamed my smile on mirror neurons as I slid into the passenger seat.
“Hi.”
There was a pause where he just stared at me and then he cleared his throat, leaning back into his own seat.
“So, food. Anything in particular sound good?”
“Um,” I mentally filtered through the options for fast-food nearby. “You going to the Home Depot by the Costco, or up by your place?”
“Whichever.”
“Uh, there’s pretty much every fast-food chain by the Costco one. I’ll eat whatever you want.”
He raised a brow at me.
“What?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Do you want me to pick? Or are you just saying that because you’re worried about being inconvenient if you choose something I don’t like?”
I clicked my seatbelt in and shrugged. “Honestly, you can just choose. I’m not a picky eater.”
He eyed me but nodded. “Alright. QDOBA sound good?”
“Sure. Sounds great.”
He narrowed his eyes like he wasn’t sure that I was being truthful but ultimately put the car in drive and got on the road.
The acoustic music took me back to the days when Enoch would drive us home from school and I couldn’t help the nostalgia making my chest feel heavy.
“So, I guess you upgraded from your mom’s old car?” I asked, breaking the silence we were sitting in.
His mouth thinned and nodded, keeping his eyes on the road while he responded. “Yeah. At least this one was made in the last decade,” he chuckled softly.
“So, tell me more about you. I want to know everything I’ve missed.”
Enoch chewed his bottom lip, glancing at me for a moment before blowing out a breath. “Well, after you were gone, um, I didn’t exactly handle the grieving process well.”
Fuck. Just shut up and take it. You put him through hell. The least you can do is listen to him, Shiloh.
“I was failing all of my classes, was definitely severely depressed. Um…but after some tough love from my family I got my ass into gear. I focused on getting the hell out of town. I didn’t want to be there. Everything reminded me of you. And my family felt suffocating with how much they were worried about me.” He winced and shook his head. “I know they meant well, and I’m eternally grateful for their support, but at the time I just needed to get out. And, uh, I managed to graduate and leave for basic training.”
He paused, looking over at me and I nodded for him to continue. It was difficult, hearing how much my suicide had hurt him, how much he struggled. But I needed the reminder, one ofthe million reasons I’d use in the near future when I questioned why I ever gave him up, and why I was ending my life before I could hurt anyone else.
“Uh, basic was hell,” he laughed, like if he didn’t it would be too sad to admit. “But I made it through and went on to tech school and then to my first base in Florida. I was kind of an idiot. I mean, I was nineteen and, well, an idiot. I madea lotof dumbass decisions.A lot. But…I dunno,” he shrugged, “last year something finally clicked. I needed to grow up. So, I did. And I’ve been doing really well. I promoted and reenlisted and got my top choice base, here, and then I found you.”
He pulled into an empty spot in the parking lot before shutting the car off and turning to face me. He was smiling at me, and I was relieved to hear that he was doing so well.
“I’m so thankful that even through all the bullshit, I somehow managed to end up right here,” he said.
Fuck me. Damn it. This is too hard. Hell, his fucking eyes. Why does he have to look at me like I mean something to him?
Great, now I’m fucking anxiety sweating. Did I put on deodorant?
Shit, he’s waiting for me to say something.
“Yeah. Me too.”
Fuck, why did I just say that? Now he’s going to think I want something deep.
