“It’s um…” I cleared my throat nervously. “It’s a long story. I don’t really know where to start.”
“I guess you can start with that day,” Enoch said. “You left us voicemails and then… we believed you killed yourself. There was a body. I…I guess I never saw it; it was a closed casket, the morgue said…said your face had been damaged from the shotgun you’d used.” Enoch cleared his throat.
“I never wanted any of that to happen. I swear I didn’t do anything to intentionally hurt you…I was just trying to protect you both. It wasn’t my idea, the suicide, but they said it was the only way to make sure all lose ends were tied when I left. When I left those voicemails, I didn’t think about how they would affect you…I just wanted to be able to say goodbye.”
I swallowed.
Fuck. I wasn’t planning to have to go into this much detail.
The silence dragged.
"How are you here now? Are you safe?”
I pulled the sleeves to my sweatshirt down around my hands.
“Y-yeah. I’m safe.” I fiddled with one of the bullets. “I’ve been in Anchorage for a while now. But…with you recognizing me, um, they want to move me again and I know you don’t want anything to do with—”
“No,” Enoch said roughly. “I just got you back. You can’t leave again.”
“It’s for your own safety. We shouldn’t even be talking, Enoch. I should go.”
My finger hovered over the end call button.
“Wait, you’re just gonna leave?” Enoch asked, making me pause.
“It’s what’s best for everyone,” I sighed.
“No, Shiloh, just wait a second. Please. I don’t…please.”
My heart skipped a beat at the crack in Enoch’s desperate voice.
I took a deep breath, clenching my hand into a tight fist.
“What?”
“When do you have to leave? I want to see you.”
I chewed my lip.
“Would it make a difference?” I asked. “I’m not the Shiloh you knew years ago.”
“And I’m not the same Enoch.” He challenged. “We’ve all changed. But that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t want to get to know the person you are today.”
“Why?” I asked, genuinely bewildered.
“Because I care about you. Because I’ve missed you and our paths crossed again for a reason. Shiloh, this wasn’t a coincidence us meeting again. This was meant to happen. And I’m not letting this chance slip away.”
I balked at the idea, leaning back from the phone. I clenched my jaw and quickly blinked against the sting of impending tears.
Fuck. Don’t do this to me. You don’t care about me.
“You really don’t want to do this, Enoch. You don’t want to get involved with me. I’m not who you think I am.”
“I should get to decide that on my own, Shiloh. What are you so afraid of? You know me. I’ve always told you that my feelings wouldn’t change, no matter what you’ve kept from me.”
I shook my head, closing my eyes against the burning feeling.
“You don’t mean that. You don’t really want me to stay.”
