What kind of question was that?
“I don’t know.”
There was a pause of silence before the doctor spoke again, “Okay. Well, I’ll let you get some rest. You page the nurse if you need anything.”
I nodded and his footsteps retreated.
Enoch kissed my cheek, and I hated the silence that sucked all the air from the room.
“So…what happens now?”
“Right now, we can do whatever you want. You can go back to sleep. We can turn the tv on…what do you want?”
“I don’t want to sleep.”
“Okay,” he said. “We can just lay here.”
I relaxed my grip on his shirt, my knuckles aching, and released a deep breath.
Everything felt like a dream, one I was about to find myself ripped out of at any moment.
“I thought I was dead.”
Enoch held onto my wrist tightly.
“I was hallucinating, I guess. But…my brother was there. He told me God didn’t want me to die yet. And then…and then it all happened so fast. And I was being carried out of there.”
“Well, your hallucination was right,” Enoch finally whispered back. “I told you. You’re not allowed to die without me.”
I didn’t want to think about what Enoch would have done if I had died. Not when he sounded serious in not being able to live without me.
“I thought I was having one of those nightmares. When Theo was in my room, I thought it was a nightmare. I didn’t grab my gun…” I swallowed, wincing at the grating of the tube in my throat. “I didn’t grab the gun because I was worried I was sleepwalking and I was going to shoot you. And then…then it was too late.”
Enoch’s thumb stroked my wrist, giving me goosebumps.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.
“I fucked up,” I confessed. “Twenty-six days down the drain. I didn’t even realize, it was…instinct.”
“That’s okay. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for anything you did or didn’t do.”
“But I should have grabbed the gun.”
“You shouldn’t have had to do anything at all in the first place. It’s not your fault that he took you, Shiloh.”
I sighed, not wanting to argue with him.
“Thank you,” I said. “Thank you for looking for me, for finding me.”
Enoch cradled the back of my head, and I leaned into his touch. “You never have to thank me.”
“I love you,” I whispered, loving the rush the words gave me. They didn’t feel enough, like they didn’t encompass the emotions I felt for him. It was stronger than love, but I couldn’t find another word to describe it.
“And I love you. All of you. Always.”
Enoch’s mouth was gentle as his lips pressed softly against my temple and I knew I never wanted to wake up from this dream.
Epilogue
