What if Los Siete knows where she is now too?
Was it something I did?
Fuck, was it the Air Show? Fuck! I knew I shouldn’t have invited her to that.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Was there someone there from the cult? Maybe someone took her picture?
Why didn’t I pay more attention? Why did I invite her to such a public space where anyone could have found her?
I vaguely registered the fact that the front door had opened in front of us.
“We talked about it. We only tell them what theyneedto know to get us the help we’re after.”
What am I doing? I can’t involve my parents.
I can’t tell them the truth. I can’t admit that I failed her. I can’t knowingly involve them in this nightmare that might get us all killed.
They’ll get hurt.
Everything will be my fault.
I. Can’t. Do. This.
I need to leave.
I need to move.
Why can’t I fucking move?!
I can’t lose her.
I can’t lose her.
I can’t lose her.
A hand roughly grabbed mine, halting the fist the I’d been banging against my forehead. I shoved Jae off of me, rising to stand. I stepped back, hands in my hair, as I choked down some much-needed oxygen.
A hand tried to turn me back towards the house, but I shrugged it off, taking a step farther from the door.
I can’t fucking lose her again.
I gulped down more air. “Give me a fucking minute.”
The sound of a soft gasp had me banging my head again with my fist. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Mom. Just…just give me a second.”
I released several more breaths, tipping my head back to the sunny sky, eyes closed.
I focused on shoving it all back down—the fear, the pain, the guilt. I forced myself to cling to the anger and determination instead and nothing more as I screamed silently into my fist.
One last deep breath and I shook out my limbs, rolled my shoulders and neck, until I was confident I wasn’t going to break.
I won’t lose her again.
I cleared my throat and at last turned on my heel to face the heated stares I’d felt on my back.
My mom had her arms wrapped around herself as she eyed me with concern. I closed my eyes against the guilt that bubbled up for shouting at her.
