“Sometimes. Yeah. But I…I always gave in when we argued. I felt like he knew better, was better, than me. And I was afraid of failing, of not being able to survive without him.”
“And have you survived without him?” She asked with a knowing look.
I rolled my eyes, “Obviously. I’m alive. So, yeah.”
She nodded with a soft smile, “So, does that mean maybe he was wrong about you? Maybe you’re not weak. Maybe you are capable. Maybe you are worthy of being loved.”
If Enoch was right about me, then I guess that did make Javier wrong. Maybe it was time to finally let go of the person who only ever made me feel weak. The person who made me question what it meant to be loved.
It was time to let go of the fear of what would happen when I finally decided I didn’t need him to survive. Maybe it was time I finally accepted that I wasn’t a weak fucking puta like I’d let him convince me I was.
I survived without him. And I wasn’t just surviving anymore. I was starting to actually enjoy being alive for the first time in my twenty-two years of existence.
August 3, Monday
Enoch
The silence in the car was annoyingly loud as Rick waited for me to say something. When I told him I needed to talk after work if he was available, I hadn’t expected him to offer to drive us to the lake on base. The weather was perfect after three days of rain but being trapped in the car for the drive to the lake from the office was making me nervous. I wished he would turn on the radio or, hell, make small talk, but no, we were sitting in silence.
I released a breath of relief when we finally parked, and I was quick to exit the car. He motioned to one of the benches that faced the lake and I took a seat, avoiding the small puddle in the middle of it.
Rick let out a sigh as he reclined into the bench, and he took in the quiet scenery.
“Alright, out with it. You know we’re way past the point of bullshitting around with small talk.”
I adjusted my hat on my head and kept my gaze on the rippling water that was reflecting the partially cloudy sky.
“You were right.”
Rick chuckled, his arm coming up to rest against the back of the bench. “I’m not surprised. But what exactly was it that I was right about this time?”
“Telling my parents.”
He grunted. “And how’d it go?”
“Better than expected.”
“Good,” he drawled. “Good. I’m happy for you. What made you change your mind?”
I pursed my lips, running my hands over my pants. “Uh, well, confession, my family offered me beer and I accepted.”
“Shit,” he cursed under his breath. “You didn’t call me. Did you relapse?”
I could feel Rick’s intense stare on the side of my face, and I turned to look at him directly. “I was a breath away, but…no. I didn’t relapse.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” Rick asked with confusion.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head with a sigh. “Because I knew what you were going to say. That I just needed to finally be honest.”
Rick shrugged, “Fair enough. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have still been there to help you. So, they were supportive?”
I nodded, looking back out to the water where a bird had swooped low, skimming the top of the lake.
“This is a good thing. Why do you seem so down?”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I thought about my response. Rick waited patiently for me to answer.
“There’s so much more at stake now,” I finally said. “The expectations are higher and they're going to want to be involved with every aspect of my life again.”
