I forced myself to close my eyes and my hand went to my chest.
The coin.
Fuck!
I squeezed it tightly through the fabric of my shirt where it hung in the middle of my chest.
Eleven days.
Eleven. Days.
Keep going.
The strength to retrieve the knife and walk to the dumpster located by the exit of the garage took everything in me.
As I walked up to my apartment, still holding onto the coin around my neck, I pulled out my phone. He was with his family. I shouldn't have been interrupting him.
But I just needed to hear his voice. I needed the distraction as I entered my apartment and eyed the knife block. The only 'real' sharp object left in my home, much to Enoch’s disgruntled murmurings about it. But in desperation, anything became sharp enough to hurt myself with.
Which was the reason I waited for him to answer, even though shame and nervousness knotted in my gut with each passing second that he didn’t pick up.
Thirty-Six
July 31, Friday
Enoch
I wiped my sweaty palms on my work pants, trying to gain some semblance of calm before I stepped into the storm. I’d been rehearsing my apologies in my head all day and nothing I said ever came out right. I had no fucking excuse for my behavior, and I knew my family would be looking for an explanation.
I kept circling back to the fact that maybe this was all a sign that I needed to finally tell my family the truth about my alcohol addiction. I needed to stop being a coward and grow up.
I finally punched in the code on the door, pushing it open. I’d stalled too long and now I was risking running late for Jae’s pre-opening night dinner party.
The house was loud with chatter but as the alarm rang out my entrance, someone shushed loudly.
“Nox? Is that you?” My mom’s head came into view as she leaned over the banister from upstairs. “Oh, good.”
I shot her a smile before focusing on removing my boots. My heart was pumping loudly in my chest as I sent a silent prayer for courage. I left my work backpack in the hall closet and climbedthe stairs. My family was scattered around the living room and kitchen, all looking dressed and ready to go.
Jae held my eye contact, giving me a small smile.
The shittiest part in all of this was that I was overshadowing Jae’s big night with the negative energy I brought into the room.
I cleared my throat, feet already guiding me to my bedroom.
“I’ll just be a minute, if you need to leave to make the reservation, go ahead.”
I nodded as Jae said they had time and closed my bedroom door. I was quick to change into a pair of slacks and a dress shirt, matching the dress code that everyone else had followed. Jae’s parents had made a reservation at what they’d described as a ‘nice’ restaurant.
I made sure to reapply some deodorant in my bathroom. I smiled to myself when I remembered that I had to steal some of Shiloh’s this morning after I showered at her place. It probably made me a freak that I liked smelling like her, or more so liked the fact that she used a scent that reminded me of the one I wore. Made me nostalgic for the time we'd spent together in high school and she wore my clothes and showered with my soaps. I liked that she liked to smell like me.
I shook the thoughts away, grabbing a new toothbrush from beneath the sink as I had left mine at Shiloh’s. After messing with my hair for a minute, I gave myself one last look in the mirror before returning to the living room.
Everyone’s eyes landed on me, and I quickly averted my gaze to the stairs, motioning for us to get going.
It was awkward as hell as I climbed into my car and my mom, dad and Esther filled the seats. It was clear I needed to say something, but I worried that if I apologized now, it would lead to a bunch of questions I didn’t want to answer while driving. Especially not when the rain picked up.
It seemed to be mirroring the atmosphere in the car, so Iswitched on the radio, turning up the music to a comfortable level that hopefully interrupted the silence enough to discourage them from striking up a deep conversation. I pulled up the family group chat to find the address to the restaurant and pulled out of the driveway.
