“Um, yeah. Like, um, you know, like a religious tradition. Um, like a baptism.”
Enoch’s eyes narrowed and I could see how his mind was spinning trying to fill in the blanks.
“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to understand here, so it was a baptism, but in a bathtub?”
I nodded, the nail file forgotten as he stared at me. I grabbed the coin, tracing the shape of it with my thumb, counting as I made circles around it.
“So, this baptism, it wasn’t just once?”
I shook my head, foot shaking, which drew Enoch’s attention to the nervous energy I was giving off.
“Fuck,” he muttered, grabbing my free hand. “I’m sorry, baby. You don’t have to explain it.”
It was what I needed to do though, wasn’t it? Isn’t that what Sarah had been drilling into my head the past two weeks? That talking about my past was the only way to loosen the grip it held on my mind and body.
“It was a spiritual cleansing. Something they performed when you showed signs of letting evil inside your mind.”
Enoch swallowed hard, and I could see his pulse pounding in his neck.
“It didn’t feel like a baptism, like the one they’d performed when I joined their church. It was…well, it was more like drowning.”
I let out a shaky laugh, trying to prevent myself from screaming or crying. His memory didn’t deserve any more tears shed. Though I could probably scream until my lungs gave out and then some.
I awkwardly met Enoch’s sad stare and my insides crawled, trying to get away from the uncomfortableness of his pity.
“That sounds like torture,” he said, his mouth turned down in a serious frown.
I shrugged, clearing my throat. “Anyways, um, that’s why I don’t like the bathtub.”
Enoch licked his lips, picking up my hand and resuming filing my nails. I could feel the tension radiating off of him and it was doing nothing to quell my own anxious energy.
I wished I hadn’t said anything at all, but part of me was relieved to have the conversation over with. I knew he must have been curious about why the hell I’d been freaking out the time I’d woken up to my period.
“So, you were married,” he finally said, jerking me from my thoughts. “It was under a different name?”
Fuck. How much had he found from his one Google search? Was there more out there that I should be worried about? WITSEC had assured me they’d buried most of the searchable information several pages deep, but clearly not deep enough if Enoch was able to find all this out.
“Yeah. The name Los Siete gave me after I died. Olivia.” The name tasted bitter on my tongue and shuddered.
Enoch dropped my hand, having finished filing my nails.
“Does that impact your name now? I mean, if you have a background check run, or get a passport or something, is your new name attached at all to your old identities?”
I cleared my throat. “No. They shouldn’t ever be connected. Why?”
“I, um, was just thinking about the future. I was thinking…” Enoch trailed off, his fingers picking at his sweatpants absently. “about if we’d legally be able to get married.”
I blinked with surprise, although it shouldn’t have been very surprising considering he had already told me he wanted to marry me.
“I was thinking that maybe you’d feel safer if we lived on base. It’s more secure. And unless your ex is a veteran there’s no way he’s getting on base without someone else in the military helping him. But we’d need to be married to do that and I…well, I also really want you to be able to get the medical care you need. You’d be insured through me, and we’d be able to find you a specialist that knew how to help you with your condition.”
I didn’t know what to say. The thought of marrying Enoch was a fantasy, a daydream I’d obsessed over for an unhealthily long amount of time.
“Obviously, I want to marry you because I love you,” Enoch said with a smile, scooting closer to rest his hand on my hip, “and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but those other reasons are equally valid and important to me.”
“Um…I don’t…I don’t know what to say.”
He gently squeezed my hip. “Just think about it. It doesn’t have to be flashy, we can invite your friends if you want but having the legal ability to move you onto base, ensure you’re protected, and also care for you…just think about it.”
