“—know that none of this is your fault and you couldn’t have stopped me. It was inevitable, so please—”
“Is that…” Jae trailed off. The bed sank with his weight, and he picked up my phone, Shiloh’s voice cutting off.
“Don’t!” I shouted, abruptly sitting upright to snatch my phone back. My stomach pitched with anxiety that he might have accidentally deleted the message. He let me have it, and I stared at the screen long enough to realize the message was still there, Jae had just paused it.
“Nox, why are you doing this to yourself?”
I swallowed, swiping at my face.
“I don’t know…I don’t…” my breath caught in my chest, and I met Jae’s worried gaze. “I saw her today. I saw her and I…” Isobbed, fighting to get the words out. I grabbed Jae’s forearm, “I held her, Jae. I held her. And she was real.”
Jae stared at me with confusion and what looked a little like fear.
“What? Who?” he asked.
“Shiloh!” I cried, shaking his arm with exasperation. “I saw Shiloh. But that’s not possible! That’s not possible! And I can’t wake up from—”
I gasped for breath.Fuck!
My chest was caving in. I couldn’t fucking breathe.
“Hey, hey. Hey! Look at me!” I obeyed, meeting Jae’s stare. “You need to calm down, Nox. Breathe.”
Nausea swirled in my gut and I shoved Jae aside, dashing for my ensuite. I made it to the toilet just in time to vomit.
The sobs were uncontrollable now. My whole body shaking with the force.
Jae’s hand landed on my shoulder, rubbing back and forth in a soothing motion. I spit into the toilet before leaning back against the wall, trying to gain an ounce of control. It felt like my whole world was spinning out.
“How much did you drink, Nox?”
“I didn’t! I swear,” I paused, sucking down air. “I swear. I don’t know what’s wrong. Something is wrong with me. I don’t know, I don’t know what to do, Jae. I’m scared.”
Fresh tears fell and I curled my legs into my chest, taking deep breaths.
“Did you…did you take something?” he asked hesitantly, scooting over to lean against the wall beside me.
I groaned, knocking my head against the wall. “No. I didn’t take any drugs.I’m telling you, I saw her and I held her. And it was her. It was her voice. It was her eyes.” I paused to look at him. “I know her eyes, Jae. I know her autumn eyes. It was her,but she pushed me away and I don’t understand…This is just a nightmare, right?”
Jae stared at me for a long moment, lips pursed in thought.
“I…I’m sorry, Nox. I don’t really understand what you’re trying to say. You think you saw Shiloh today?”
I slammed my fist against the floor, impatience and fear making my pulse spike.
“Yes! Today. At the fucking rock-climbing gym.” I paused to wipe my runny nose. “Jae, I’m not making it up. Everyone saw her. Everyone. Saw. Her. You have to believe me,” I implored. Although, I didn’t even believe myself.
Jae shook his head, rubbing his eyes.
“Enoch, please,” he finally said, lifting his head. “Don’t lie to me. Did you take something? Are you drunk right now?”
“Fuck!” I shouted, slamming my head against the wall once again. “I’m going insane. I am going insane. I must be going insane.” I dragged my hands through my hair, pulling at the roots. “I need to be in psych ward right now. I need to be locked up or something, because this isn’t real. I’m just hallucinating dead people in—”
“Alright, alright,” he placated, squeezing my shoulder. “Don’t get all worked up again. Just…let me get you some water and we’ll figure this out, okay? You’re gonna be okay, brother.”
I wiped my face, trying to pull myself together. “Yeah. O-okay.”
Jae nodded before standing up and leaving me alone in the bathroom.
