My dad eyed the equipment considering it before shaking his head.
“Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow. We can spar…so long as there’s no chokeholds involved.”
My ears flamed and I cringed, shuffling my feet.
“Yeah. Sure. No chokeholds.”
My dad chuckled, studying me before turning on his heel. “I’ll let you get back to it,” he said over his shoulder.
I nodded slowly, slightly disappointed that he hadn’t wanted to stay. “Wait!”
My dad turned back with a raised brow.
“Um,” I cleared my throat, fidgeting with my water bottle. “Are you mad at me?”
My dad balked. “What? No. Not at all. Why would you think that?”
“I…well, I’ve been…distant. And we haven’t really had the chance to talk since you’ve gotten here. And I get it if you’re disappointed in me or whatever, I just…I was hoping you weren’t angry or avoiding me.”
My dad pursed his lips, crossing his arms as he once again leaned against the door frame.
“I’m not angry, bud. I’m disappointed, but not in you. In myself. I feel like I failed you, back then, when you were grieving. I think maybe I was too hard you on, I…” my dad cleared his throat, glancing around the garage. “I thought maybe you resented me, for not doing more for you.”
“Fuck no. You’re the most incredible father, the best father I could have ever asked for. I don’t resent you for how hard you pushed me after Shiloh’s death. I needed to go through that, needed to go through the last four years.” I smiled softly to myself, Rick’s words ringing in my mind as I repeated them. “Sometimes God gives a valley not just for ourselves, but for others. He uses our story so we can share it with others, use the experiences to help someone else in a similar valley. And I’m doing that now; I see the purpose. If I hadn’t gone through everything, I wouldn’t have been forced to grow, in maturity, in my faith, and in my ability to use that pain for good.”
My dad cleared his throat again, blinking away glassy eyes. “I’m so proud of you. Of the man you’ve become. I’ve…I’ve missed you, Enoch. I know you’re not a kid anymore, but I still miss you.”
I put my bottle on the ground and moved to walk towards my dad. He uncrossed his arms and we both stared, an awkward silence passing.
“Can I…can I have a hug?”
My dad sighed with a soft chuckle, and we met in the middle, his arms slinging around my back.
“You’re lucky I love you so much, that I’m willing to hold you this close when you stink.”
I laughed, forcing back the urge to cry.
“I’ve missed you too, Dad.”
My dad put his hand on the back of my head, pulling me back to hold me in front of his face. “I’m here. You can always talk to me. Alright?”
I swallowed, guilt swarming through my stomach like a snake. “I love you too.”
He smiled, pressing his forehead to my own for a moment before kissing my cheeks three times like he used to do when I was a small child. My throat blocked and I swallowed around the lump.
Fuck, this hurts.
July 29, Wednesday
Enoch
I released a long sigh, untying my laces as I eavesdropped on Baba and Benji holding some semblance of a conversation in the living room above me. I couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like a mix of Russian, Spanish and English. The rest of the house was strangely quiet and when I made it to the top of the stairs I realized why.
Out on the deck were all the men in the family, surrounding the grill. My dad threw his head back in laughter, bringing a bottle of beer to his lips after he said something that had the rest of the group laughing. I watched their carefree smiles, watched how my dad clapped Sebastian on the back with a smile. Watched how Sebastian turned, letting me see that they all had a bottle of beer in their hands.
Fuck.
I jumped when Baba stepped into my line of sight.
