Shit. Is it a confidentiality break if I tell her he has an alcohol addiction?
“Um, I dunno if I’m, like, supposed to share this with anyone…”
“It won’t leave this room,” she reminded me.
“He got sober last year. Alcohol addiction.”
“I see. So, that’s been helpful then, having his support?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I wouldn’t have made it this far without his help.”
She smiled and sighed. “And have you had any problems with flashbacks this past week?”
The nausea returned full force as I visualized the marks I’d left on Enoch.
“I…had another sleepwalking panic attack.”
I grabbed the pillow from the couch, squeezing the fuck out of it in an attempt to stop myself from doing something I’d regret having to show Enoch later.
“And what happened this time?”
“I hurt Enoch.”
Her brows twitched. “What happened?”
I let out an anxious breath, bouncing both legs. “I woke up and choked him out, then proceeded to scratch his chest to hell before he finally pinned me down and knocked me out of it.”
She pursed her lips, crossing her legs as she studied me.
“I’m assuming you didn’t mean to hurt him?”
“Of course not,” I said with an outraged scoffed. “I thought…I thought he was someone else.”
She tipped her head, silently asking with a curious gaze who exactly I thought it was.
“My ex-husband. I was threatening to kill Enoch because I had dreamed my ex-husband had taken our child and was keeping her from me.”
Her brow rose with shock. “Do you have a child with your ex-husband?”
“No. It was just a dream. But…I clearly didn’t realize that when I was fucking trying to kill my boyfriend in his sleep.”
She sighed, grabbing a water bottle from her side table and taking a sip. The silence made my skin crawl and my hands ached from the grip on the pillow, but I was scared to let go and give in to my dark desires.
“Okay. I’m going to make a proposition here, and just hear me out before you say anything,” she paused waiting for me to agree so I nodded with subtle eyeroll. “I think we should be doing two sessions a week. And I think we need to really dig in here with talking about your past, about these fears.”
I flexed my fingers, digging into the pillow once more.
“And what if I have a flashback again?”
“I’ll be here. You’ll be safe. And I’ll make sure you don’t hurt yourself.”
I rolled my shoulders, the tension in my body turning painful.
“You trust me?” she asked.
I took another deep breath, trying to expel some of my anxious energy. “Yeah. Mostly,” I muttered.
“Okay. Do you want some water?”
