“Did ya take bear spray with ya?” she asked with concern.
“Yes,” I said through a smile, “and I didn’t run into any or any moose.”
My stomach flipped at the memory of the photo I’d taken of Shiloh yesterday. I’d promised her it wouldn’t go onto social media and she’d reluctantly agreed. Her eyes were bright, stunning against the beautiful green backdrop of the trees and mountains behind us, capped with small bits of snow that never melted.
My phone began ringing through the car’s media center and I glanced down to see that Rick was calling me.
I declined the call, and my mom eyed me.
“A friend?” she asked.
“Yeah. We go to church together.”
“That’s right. Y’all go to a Seventh-Day Adventist church?”
I nodded, drumming my fingers against the steering wheel.
I really needed something to do with all this anxious energy coursing through my body. The punching bag in the garage at home was calling my name.
“And you’ve made friends at work too?”
I nodded again.
“Well, I’m glad you got a good community here.”
My phone chimed, flashing on the screen that Rick had left a voicemail.
“Voicemail?” my mom asked. “That sounds serious. You kids don’t usually leave voicemails unless it’s serious. Should ya call him back?”
I shook my head, “Nah. He’s older. Not a kid. Close to dad’s age.”
Her mouth flattened to a tight line, but she didn’t comment on it again.
I’d avoided speaking to Rick yesterday after church, eager to get back home to Shiloh and leave for our date. But I couldn’t avoid him forever, not when he could easily find me at work tomorrow. And he’d only get concerned if I didn’t respond at all.
Come to think of it, he was probably wanting to talk about the fact that I’d be getting my one-year chip in ten days. I smiled to myself, a sense of pride swelling in my chest.
Sober. In ten days, I’d be one year sober. Fuck, it felt good to say that I’d accomplished something I didn’t even think was possible in the beginning.
“Ya seem different,” my mom said, unable to keep from glancing at me as we pulled into the Fred Meyer.
“Yeah?” I asked, sending her a curious glance after I put the car in park.
She tilted her head, studying me. “I dunno what it is, but ya seem different.”
I shrugged, avoiding her gaze as I unbuckled my seatbelt. “I mean, I’ve just grown up I guess.”
I climbed out of the car, waiting for her to exit before I locked the doors.
“You have,” she said, bumping my shoulder. “I’m real proud of ya.”
I forced a smile, feeling uncomfortable with the compliment. “Thanks.”
I grabbed a cart and motioned for my mom to lead the way. While she was distracted picking out some fresh fruit, I pulled out my phone to listen to Rick’s voicemail.
“Hey, Nox. Just calling to check in with you. The family in town yet? Give me a call when you’re free. Just want to hear how you’re doing. Let me know if you need anything and if you change your mind about telling your family about getting sober. I know it’s tough but it’s part of recovery. Think about it. Alright kid, talk soon. Bye.”
I sighed, hanging my head as I rubbed the back of my neck. I appreciated that Rick wanted me to tell my family, and I understood where he was coming from, I just didn’t want to deal with the disappointment or the concern. It was smothering enough to have Jae and Rick on my case. And letting my family in, letting my parents know the truth about how I’d fucked up and almost fucked up my future too…that was scary as hell.
