“Do you like being out here in nature? The quiet, the solitude.”
I blinked my eyes open to see Enoch standing just ahead of me on the trail, watching me with a soft smile.
I cleared my throat and shrugged as I picked up my feet to continue walking.
“What?” he asked with a raised brow. “Prefer the city?”
I pursed my lips in thought. “No, I just…I’ve spent enough time in isolation. I guess I don’t like feeling so far away from people.”
“Isolation?” Enoch asked curiously, falling into step beside me as I caught up to him.
“Yeah. For my job…in the you-know-what. Don’t really have too many fond memories of being in nature.”
I could see all the unasked questions written on his face and sighed, casting a quick glance behind us to make sure there weren’t any other hikers within earshot. I focused on the path and not tripping over roots and rocks half-buried in the dirt.
“He wasn’t just a politician for show, Carlos was smart, intelligent,” l grimaced at the words of compliment. “He needed allies in government, needed people who were going to help their interests remain protected. One of those people was a man who was going to run for senate. Carlos was going to fund his campaign, corrupt him if he wasn’t already dirty, and use him and his position of power in passing laws.”
“That man had a son.” My eyes met Enoch’s, and I watched his jaw flutter with restrained emotion. “Theo. Carlos had me get close to him under a false identity, had me form a relationshipso that one day in the future he could use me as leverage against the family.”
“So, that’s how you met him? The man that hurt you?”
I nodded. “I lived with him, with his family, in an isolated area. For nineteen months.”
“Whatever happened to them? Did this politician guy get caught with ties to Los Siete?”
“No. They didn’t.”
“Theo…does he know where you are? Does he know about WITSEC?”
“No,” I shook my head forcefully. “He doesn’t know where I am. Thinks I went missing in the middle of the night and never came back.”
“So, he’s looking for you?”
I swallowed. “Yeah. At least he was when he filed the police report three years ago.”
“Fuck,” Enoch muttered to himself, dragging a hand down his face.
The silence fell between us and I took another deep breath of the air. Although it was much too green here, and far more beautiful, it was bringing back memories of Eden. Memories of the night I managed to escape.
We continued walking and I could feel the tension rolling off of Enoch’s body. He was upset, and I was fucking up this date.
“Does it bother you? That you’ve essentially had to erase a part of your identity?”
I mulled over his question for a moment before responding.
“Not really. I’ve hidden so much of myself for so long I don’t even think about it really.”
“You mean, from the last three years?”
“No, I mean, like, my whole life.”
Enoch eyed me with a silent question and I explained.
“It all started in Kindergarten. My brother dropped me off for my first day of school and no one had bothered to explain to me that I was going to be forced to speak and understand a language that I knew but a few sentences in. My dad hadn’t informed the school that I needed ESL support, and I was just…silent, I guess. My teacher probably thought I was just shy for the first two weeks. I remember kids coming up to me, trying to talk and not knowing what to say back. It wasn’t until I fell and cried on the playground that shit hit the fan. My eyes swelled shut and they rushed me to the school nurse. I didn’t know what the hell was happening, I remember crying for Javier and I guess they finally figured out I spoke Spanish and were able to get someone that could understand me and speak to me.”
Enoch grabbed my arm to steady me when I tripped over a root. And I gave him a smile of gratitude before continuing.
“It was a turning point for me because as soon as I was labeled the ESL kid in class I was isolated even more. I didn’t ‘look’ like an ESL kid, so it was confusing for everyone involved. There were a couple of Spanish speaking ESL kids in my grade, but they knew much more English than I did and were focused on blending in and making friends, so I did too. I hadn’t ever realized that my appearance was so different from my family until that point. As soon as I could get by with enough English to not embarrass myself, I started pretending I didn’t speak Spanish at all. I already stood out with my eyes. And then my dad had to go and fucking buzz my hair off. It really didn’t help that I was ‘Sickly Shiloh’ from first to fifth grade. I know I was extremely privileged to have my physical appearance not be, like, a way for teachers or people in general to stereotype me like they did my dad whenever we were in public. But honestly, I kind of felt like an imposter either way. It’s like because I don’t look Mexican, I wasn’t really accepted by my peers that did look Latino. And then having to lie about my home life to fit inwith my other non-Latino peers, it just…I ended up just mostly keeping to myself.”
