“Yeah, I mean, for the most part. I’m mostly freaking out over the fact that the whole freaking family is going to be there. Like, what if it’s a complete shit show, you know?”
“It’s not gonna be a shit show,” I said with an eye roll. “You’d never let that happen. You’ve been working your ass off all week, and you’ve still got another week to get everything finalized.”
Jae scrunched his face with doubt.
“Shiloh’s right. You’ve got this. Do you need any help with anything?”
Jae sighed. “No. I’m just…imposter syndrome, you know? Like, what if it fails? There’s a lot more competition here than I initially thought.”
“And you’ve got nothing on the competition,” Enoch countered. “Most of those other gyms only focus on the fighting aspect and they’re not mixed martial arts, only BJJ or only boxing. What you’re offering is unique to the area. You’ve got mixed martial arts classes in every specialty for adults and kids, plus you’ve got equipment for free use with general fitness classes.”
Jae rolled his eyes and groaned, dragging his hand over his face. “Alright, alright. Maybe it’s going to be successful.”
Enoch chuckled, pulling Jae into a side hug. “You’ve got this, bro.”
I was happy for Jae. I was proud of him too. He deserved this to work out, deserved some goodness for all he’s sacrificed.
“I’m sorry I can’t be there for the opening party, but I’ll definitely be stopping by as soon as everyone leaves.”
There was an awkward pause of silence, and I studied Jae’s frown.
“You know, it really sucks that we can’t tell our family. They’d…well, they’d all be ecstatic to hear about you being alive and to hear about you and Enoch being together.”
My chest ached. What I wouldn’t give to be fully enmeshed in their family, to be a Reznikovsky, to one day be happily married.
My heart skipped in my chest. Marriage.
For just a moment, I let myself fantasize about a future where that might be possible, where I might be married to the man I’d always wanted.
But no matter how I envisioned it, there was never a reality in which that could be possible. Even if Enoch wanted to stay together, even if I allowed him to be shackled to me forever, even if I believed I was forgiven and this guilt over my past finally lifted, I’d never be able to let him sacrifice his own future, sacrifice his relationship with his family all to keep me a secret.
“I dunno, they might hold a grudge against me, don’t you think?” I finally replied.
Enoch squeezed my thigh, shaking his head. “No. No way. They’d have no reason to.”
“I…I kind of tore you away from them. And I lied. And I hurt you, and Jae, and Sebastian. And—”
“And they’d get over it, just like Jae and I have,” Enoch said. “But we don’t need to worry about that right now, okay? Right now, it’s just between us. Right now, it doesn’t matter what they might or might not feel, because we aren’t going to tell them.”
I breathed with frustration, giving Enoch a look of disbelief. “And how long can we keep this a secret, Enoch? This isn’t sustainable. I can’t keep you from your family, Enoch. You don’t deserve that, and I don’t want that for you…I want you to repair your relationships, I want you to be close with them again. And I don’t want you to have to lie when they ask you about your life.”
Jae coughed uncomfortably. “This involves you too, Jae. You’re lying for me too.”
Jae put his hands up in surrender, “This is between you and Enoch. I’m already lying to our family about his alcohol addiction and getting sober. This whole thing,” he waved his hand between Enoch and I, “this is between the two of you.”
Enoch took a deep breath, putting his fork down, and leaned back in his chair to look at me.
I shook my leg against the stool, waiting for him to just say it, just finally admit that this needed to be over.
Fuck.My stomach hurt in anticipation.
“You’re right.”
The breath left my lungs in a sharp pant. I felt like he’d just stabbed me in the chest. I closed my eyes against the pain of it.Fuck, this hurts worse than I thought. Why the fuck was I expecting him to keep fighting me on this?
I dug my fingers into the seat of the stool. I wanted to bleed these feelings out, needed to. But it could wait. Wait until I was alone, back home.
Fuck. Fuck!
