I groaned, uncomfortable with all the questions.
“I just want to scream. It’s like there’s so much pent up inside and I want to feel something else. I want to feel better. I want the endorphins, the rush, the escape.”
“Okay. Okay,” I opened my eyes at his thoughtful tone. “How about this? How about you hit something? Like a pillow, or we can get you a punching bag for your apartment. We’ve got a heavy bag in the garage you can have. Or we can put on some gloves, and you can go to town on me.”
I stared at him, not sure how to feel about all these new ideas. I didn’t want to make my pain his, I didn’t want to share this with him. It was mine, and I could cope with it myself.
“Or, what about a stress ball or some kind of fidget? You like to clench your fists, I know that much. Instead of clenching your own fists, squeeze the shit out of my hand. How does that sound?”
He studied my face, eyes bouncing between my own with a hopeful frenetic energy radiating off of him.Fuck, he’s serious. He wants me to take this seriously. He believes that I can actually stop.
“Yeah. I could try it,” I shrugged.
“Alright. That’s a start,” he said, leaning down to kiss me.God, I don’t deserve him.He’s too good.
I kissed him back, using my free hand to hold the back of his neck. He groaned, stepping between my legs to deepen the kiss. He pulled back enough to speak against my lips.
“Come stay with me,” he whispered, breathless. He kissed me again before continuing. “Let me help. Use me. Let me be your distraction. The first week is always the hardest, but we’re going to get there.”
“I hate it,” I whispered back with a whine. “I hate that I crave it so badly I can’t think about anything else.”
His lips were back on mine, hands tangling in my hair. Desire and awareness of my nearly naked state had my clenching my thighs against his legs.
“I know,” he breathed against my mouth. “You’ve had years to train your mind to crave it.”
“It’s not cocaine or alcohol. It shouldn’t be so hard.”
He nipped my bottom lip and pulled back. I blinked open my eyes to find him staring at me.
“Your brain doesn’t know the difference. You’ve conditioned yourself to receive a chemical high just like a substance. That’s an addiction, Shiloh. But you can break it.”
I ground my teeth. It wasn’t the same. I was just weak.
“Why are you so confident? You saw what I’m capable of!”
“I know exactly what you’re capable of doing when you’re upset. I know how strong you are. And I also know that you’re capable of accepting help. And that’s what you’re going to do because you want to stop. I know it feels shitty, to ask for help. Iknow, baby. It feels weak, it feels shameful, embarrassing…but we weren’t designed to get through life alone. Some things we need help with, and that’s okay.”
My foot shook against the counter with agitation and Enoch sealed his lips against mine in a hard, hot kiss. I channeled my guilt, frustration, anger, and gratitude into the kiss.I love him.
The realization startled me. Of course I loved him, but…this felt dangerous. This felt like something else that was going to slip out of my hands. This felt like if I lost it my heart would stop beating.
Fuck.
I love him.
Enoch was becoming a mind reader because he was able to voice those three little words that I wasn’t sure I’d ever have the courage to say to him out loud. If I gave him my heart, then there was a chance for it to get ripped away from me.
“I love you,” he said.
“You’re insane,” I whispered, breathlessly, pushing his mouth back to mine with my grip on his neck.
“Insanely in love,” he chuckled, lips trailing across my jaw until his mouth hovered over my ear. “Say it. Ask for help.”
I shivered. “Help me.”
“Always.”
I love you, too.
