“Why don’t you bring me up to speed?” she asked with a smile that accentuated the wrinkles by her blue eyes.
I rolled my eyes, inhaling the scent of her essential oils diffuser—something probably labeled ‘specialty blend to relax troubled patients and make them talk’.
“Bradley’s on his way to transport me to wherever the hell they decide, and I told him I’d rather kill myself.”
She didn’t flinch, just tilted her head as she studied me. It was obvious I wasn’t her first patient to mention suicide.
“And do you have a plan?”
I raised a brow in question.
“To harm yourself. Do you have a plan?”
“I haven’t fucking got that far yet. I just know I’m not going with Bradley. And I’m not fucking with he-who-shall-not-be-named.”
“You’re referring to Enoch, yes?”
I glared at her. We had agreed to not say his name in her office. Not after the first and only time I told her about him and had a fucking panic attack.
She hummed in thought and shifted in her chair, adjusting her long corduroy skirt. “I see. Let’s talk about that. Bradley says you ran into him?”
I huffed in annoyance and nodded. “At work. The fucker showed up with some friends and made a whole fucking scene about it. Crying and shit. Had to fucking pry his fingers off of me. Told him to fuck off and that I didn’t know who he was but if he ever pulled that again I’d skewer his eyeballs.”
“That must have been difficult. To watch him hurting and to lie to him.”
My chest fucking hurt. Like someone punched me in the heart a thousand times.Fucking hell. I need another hit. Three wasn’t enough. I don’t know if any amount will be. But I’ll fucking maim myself trying to get this feeling to go away.
“I don’t wanna talk about him.”
“You seem angry.”
I scoffed, throwing my head back onto the couch and wincing at the sore spot from the crash. “I’m fucking pissed. I told that shitbird to move on and forget about me. He clearlyfucking didn’t with his pathetic little breakdown. He thinks it’s his fault, like he had any fucking say over what I did with my life, as if he could have stopped the inevitable. Fucking God complex. He always thought he could make everything better.”
“Why do you call it pathetic?”
I ground my teeth together.
“Is it because you wish you were afforded the same ability? To be vulnerable, show some emotions towards him.”
“Fuck off, Sarah.”
“Hm. Sounds like I hit the nail on the head.”
I flipped her off, keeping my eyes shut despite the image of Enoch crying playing on repeat in my mind. I was a masochist. What was a little extra torture?
“So, Enoch shows up. Recognizes you. Is likely shocked and confused to find you alive and well—” I peeked open an eye to give her a look. “Okay, maybe slightly mentally unstable but otherwise healthy. And then you called Bradley.”
“Yep.”
“Sounds to me like you’re just trying to avoid processing your feelings over seeing him again.”
“No. I genuinely don’t want to fucking move again. I would rather die.”
“Because you’d miss the life you built here?”
“Yes!” I shouted with exasperation, hands thrown up towards the ceiling. “Because Enoch fucking ruined everything. I was fine, or mostly fine. I wasfunctioningand then he fucking shows up out of the blue and now I have to rearrange my whole damn life,again! It’s not fucking fair. And I can’t even explain to him why I’m leaving or why I left in the first place all because fucking Bradley and his stupid fucking rules about keeping me safe that say I can’t. And it’s so fucked up that I don’t even care anymore. Like, Iwantto tell him. Iwantto tell him the truth. I don’t care about breaking my contract, I don’t care about puttingmy life at risk. My time is up now. And what little life I have left, I’m not going to spend it starting over. So, I’m done. The only way out is death and I’m okay with that. I’ve only been avoiding the inevitable. I’m going to do it on my own terms.”
When the silence got too unbearable, I opened my eyes. She was just staring at me, and I crossed my arms over my chest.
