“Yeah. I guess you’re right.”
Holy shit. How is this real life?
Was I going to actually do this? Was I really going to let myself be happy? Was I really going to put him through the hell of losing me again? Or was I going to live the rest of this life outrunning my past and pretending Enoch and I were meant to be together forever?
“Can I ask, have you dated anyone else since,” he trailed off and I hesitated.I wouldn’t classify my marriage as dating. But would he be mad if he found out I was a liar? And, technically, a cheater.
“I was in relationship, years ago,” Enoch’s eyes flashed with momentary surprise, “but I’ve not dated anyone or…I mean, no one has ever compared to you. I don’t,” I paused, biting into my lip as I pushed through the discomfort of being honest. “I don’t think anyone ever will.”
He pulled my hand into his lap, lacing our fingers together.
“I tried dating for a while, as in, I went on a handful of dates with other women. But, honestly, I probably sabotaged all of them because I was already drinking way too much at that point. I wasn’t exactly in the best position to be in a relationship with anyone. And none of them were you. It’s rather hard to find someone as equally prickly and sweet as you are.”
I rolled my eyes and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. I still hated myself for how much hurt I’d caused him. Hated that he’d turned to alcohol. Hated that he’d always battle that addiction, not unlike the one I witnessed first-hand as a child. Alcohol wasn’t the same as drugs like heroin and cocaine, but I remember how I nearly fell into the same path of using substances when I needed the escape. When I craved the promised lie of happiness it offered me. And now I was addicted to hurting myself. Addicted to pain and the high that followed it.
“Well,” he chuckled softly, breaking me from my thoughts, “now that I know that you’re not seeing anyone else. Can I officially call you mine?”
My heart thudded in my chest.
“Are you really sure you want that?”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation. He leaned his face towards mine until we were eye to eye.
My chest filled with butterflies.For now. You won’t want me forever.
But maybe that’s what I could do. Enjoy the ‘for now’ until the past caught up to me. And pray that my darkness didn’t touch him, didn’t tarnish his goodness and get him killed.
Enoch released my hand to slip his arm around my waist and lift me into his lap. He pulled my face down to meet him.
“I love you.” He paused to kiss me. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
He kissed me again, his mouth hovering above mine as he spoke. “You’re mine. And I’m never going to let you go.”
I swallowed. Why was it so hard for me to believe him? If the roles were reversed, I’d love him unconditionally.
His breath came out like a growl, and he nipped at my bottom lip. “Stop that.”
“Stop what?”
“Youknowwhat,” he challenged, his lips pressing firmly against mine.
“I really don’t,” I whispered. My eyes flashed open as delicious pain shot down my scalp. He tugged my braid until his lips were just out of my reach.
“Stop overthinking this.”
I huffed. “But what about your job? You’re not going to be in Anchorage forever. What about when they move you again?”
“I’m here for three years,minimum. And maybe by then I’ll be ready to get out.”
I raised a brow. “Out of the military?”
Enoch shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t know yet if I want to do a full twenty to retire or not. But three years from now is a long ways away. Right now, I’m not going anywhere. And even if I do stay in, even if I do get moved from Anchorage, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t still be your boyfriend. Hell, if I have it my way, you’ll be my wife by then.”
My stomach flipped and a moment of excitement fluttered against my ribcage.Stop getting your hopes up, Shiloh. He doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into.
“What about your future? Are you going to be in Anchorage forever?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly.
