I scanned her blank expression, uncertain if she was going to let her guard down enough to let me in. She suddenly released a shaky breath, and I felt the tension release in her arm.
“Is it okay if we share a room again?” She asked steadily, although her eyes looked like she was scared. Of my answer or of asking in the first place, I wasn’t sure, but a small smile immediately found its way across my lips.
“Of course.” I slid my hand into hers and tugged her along back to my room that she was sleeping in.
Shiloh was an enigma. The more time we spent together the more questions I had. It was like opening one of Baba’s matryoshka dolls, although there never seemed to be an ending.
As I laid beside her, listening to the sound of her breathing grow deeper, I silently promised to be as relentless as she was. I would wait. I would wait for her to let down her guard, to let me in, to let me know her like I want her to know me too.
I think I might be going insane. I think I might be falling for Shiloh.
I smiled to myself before finally drifting off to a much-awaited sleep.
Eighteen
October 17, Sunday
Shiloh
Iblinked until I could keep my eyes open long enough to say I was awake. Realizing I was in Nox’s bed sent me abruptly sitting upright, turning to find him asleep next to me. I let out a sigh, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes as I watched his body rise and fall with each breath. A few matted curls were falling across his face, and the way he hugged his pillow defined his arm muscles.
I rolled my eyes at myself for staring at him like a fucking creep. As much as I would have loved to stay and continue to avoid reality, I couldn’t face Seb. Maybe not ever, but certainly not today. Not after everything I’d done. Not when Nox knew my brother was dead. Not when Seb would be with his family enjoying the life I envied and would kill to have one day.
That’s what it would take though. A life. And not just my brother’s. The road I was on was leading me straight to hell, even if I wasn’t damning anyone else to take my place. Being a part of Los Siete meant I was certain to be a part of more death and destruction.
I grabbed my clothes that Nox had washed for me on Friday and snuck out of the room to shower. I tried to be as quiet as possible, unsure of the time, but the silence made me think everyone was still asleep.
If I wasn’t such a pussy, I probably would have stayed. As awkward as it was at first, not to mention completely fucking annoying how amazing his family was, I felt almost happy. Certainly happier than I had been in a really fucking long time.
I was relieved that no one was awake, allowing me to avoid formally saying goodbye. Once I was out of the house, the weight of my circumstances became heavy once again. My mind kept replaying the weekend, torturing me with the reality that I would never have what Nox did. He told me once that he knew he had it good, but he seemed to be drifting in an impenetrable bubble of good. How would he ever understand the different worlds we lived in?
The blister on the back of my heel from wearing no socks when I was homeless had popped and was sending an excruciating pain up my leg with every step I took. I almost wished I had asked for a ride home but shook the thought away when I saw my dad’s car in the driveway.
I let out a ragged breath before opening the front door. I scanned the room, realizing he wasn’t there and made a move towards my bedroom when I halted. My eyes lingered on the bag of powder on the coffee table, memories of my euphoric state flooding my mind, and my heart raced with anticipation.
I jumped at the sound of my dad walking into the room, and he narrowed his eyes at me. His lip curled like it did when he was angry. His eyes wandered to the coffee table as he smirked.
“You want?” he asked smugly as he brushed past me.
“Don’t fucking talk to me.”
My hands were sweating and my heart fluttered in my chest, just like it did when I was lying. But I hadn’t even taken any of his drugs, so why was I acting like I had?
“Don’t touch mine. Get from your nuevo novio,” he snapped with annoyance.
I let out a huff in irritation, questioning whether I should just walk away. But what the hell did he mean by my new boyfriend? Did he somehow know I was with Nox and Jae all weekend?
He laughed in what appeared to be genuine amusement as he lit a cigarette. “I thought you la chica lista. Si Javi pudiera verte ahora…”
I clenched my jaw, my nails involuntarily digging into my palms as I resisted the urge to strangle my own father. “Don’t fucking speak his name, you piece of shit. ¡Vete a tomar por culo!”
I stormed out of there before I did something, like punch him in the throat again, and moved to slam the door, forgetting it was still missing. I threw my body down onto my bed and screamed into the pillow until I couldn’t breathe.
There was a knock against my doorframe, and I sat up to tell my dad to fuck off,again, but the words died on my lips at the sight of Adrian. My heart rapidly picked up an unhealthy beat as I thought of what he might be here to make me do. I stared blankly at his enraged expression, waiting for him to hurt me.
“Are you fucking stupid?”
My brows rose in shock.
