“Why don’t we talk about something else?” Nox offered. “How was work yesterday, Dad?
His dad caught on, much to his mother and Jae’s confused expressions, and answered Nox’s question, saving me from having to tell the whole table my brother had killed himself.I’m pretty sure that’s not appropriate small talk over breakfast.
“Um, yeah. Fine. Nothing too exciting,” Dan said with a shrug. I felt like his gaze was lingering on me, but I couldn’t tell if I was being paranoid or not.
“No crazy stories?” Nox pressed.
“Uh,” Dan paused, and I could’ve sworn, this time, he really was staring at me. I swallowed, keeping my eyes on my plate of food. “No. Nothing crazy. Honestly, most of the time I shadow these guys they’re just doing paperwork.”
Dan chuckled and my brows furrowed.
“What, um, what do you do?” I asked, before I could get my mouth to stay shut. I looked up to find Dan smiling at me.
“Well, I’m actually an instructor for the police academy up in Bryan. But I contract with Granby Police Department as part of an oversight committee.”
My heart stopped as Nox’s words from last night finally registered.His dad’s a cop? A fucking cop?
My heart thudded with anxiety. Was he a socio? A Ghost? Fuck, anyone could be a fucking Ghost in this town, and I wouldn’t know, but the likelihood of a cop being one was a hundred times higher.
The table had gone quiet. “So, do you have a badge and gun or are you not a police officer just like…an instructor?”
Dan shook his hand to indicate ‘sort of’.
“I’m not a police officer, in the sense that I’m not employed as one, but I do have a badge and gun when I’m shadowing the guys as a precaution, and I was a cop in the military for over twenty years so it kind of still feels like I am one.”
“So, a cop but not a cop. Got it,” I nodded slowly.
“Basically, twelve days a month I shadow someone on a shift and give performance reviews and feedback. And then give any reports about any policies that aren’t being followed or are redundant, or I recommend additional instruction I think needs to happen. They’re pretty strict around here about doing things by the book, and all the officers have monthly performance reviews and such. I can imagine it’s quite a headache for the officers involved having me look over their shoulders once a month, but I don’t mind my job.”
Fuck. There’s no way an oversight committee wouldn’t be knowledgeable about all the corruption in the police force. Maybe he’s part of the cover-up?
Fuuuck, is that why he’s looking at me like that? Does he know about my brother’s alleged suicide? Does he know about Los Siete and everything the police turn a blind eye to around here? Does he know what I did last night? That I’m being initiated?
I nodded, “Cool.”
Dan chuckled and shook his head. “Yeah, doesn’t sound too glamorous, I know. But, my glory days of doing all the fun stuff are over. I had my fill in the Air Force.”
The conversation moved on to Shelby’s party planning for Ruthie. I tried to pay closer attention to the conversation, but I felt awkward, like a fly on the wall. It felt so intimate and unfamiliar, and despite trying to cling to the coat of apathy Iusually wore, I found myself spiraling into an abyss of jealousy, rage and devastation. I wanted to punch myself for yearning to belong to this family. I was being weak and stupid but being here made it clear that my reality would never look like this. Not after last night. Carlos owned me, he knew how to manipulate me into obedience, and thank God Javier wasn’t here to witness his pathetic excuse of a sister.
There were no more ‘ifs’. I was permanently entangled in Los Siete’s dirty chaos.
I should have been savoring these moments of ‘normalcy’ I got to live with Nox and his family instead of drowning in my dark thoughts.
Seventeen
October 16, Saturday
Shiloh
“Ah, fuck! No, no, no…Shit.” I slammed the controller against my thighs and groaned, my mouth twitching to smile as Nox and Jae laughed at my outburst.
“This game is fucking stupid. Why the fuck do they make it so impossible to win?” I whined, looking over at Nox on the other end of the sofa.
“Shy, I think maybe you just don’t have the best hand eye coordination…Ow!” Nox swatted my arm away after I slapped his shoulder.
“It’s not my fault I have fucked up eyes with crappy vision.”
“Oh, crap, sorry. I didn’t realize,” Nox said with a guilty half-smile.
