“Okay,” she let out a sigh and put the car in drive. “Put your seatbelt back on and tell me to stop when we reach it. Unless there’s a reason why you don’t want me to know where you live?”
I complied, buckling in and letting out a huff that sent a small throb through my ribs. I pointed out my house, suppressing the urge to damn whoever decided to have a streetlamp in front of our house to illuminate all its imperfections. Most notably, the plywood covering my bedroom window that faced our chain-link fenced, more-dirt-than-grass yard.
The car halted and I unbuckled, my stomach churning with shame.Why the fuck do I care so much what this woman thinks? She’s no one to me. And it’s not like I’ll ever probably see her again.
The distant sound of a car backfiring made both of us jump, dogs in the area barking with alarm, and I squeezed my eyes shut, hugging my backpack, as the memory of Javi on the floor flashed behind my eyelids.
“Thanks again. Bye,” I rushed out breathlessly before racing up to my front door. I scrounged around in the front pocket of my bag and fished out my key to unlock the door. I didn’t turn around to see her leave, shutting the door behind me and letting out a shaky sigh.
I scanned the empty living room that was dimly lit by light coming from the kitchen. It smelled like weed and I looked around for the evidence, finding it sitting on the coffee table along with several beer bottles.
“Dad?” I called out as I approached the coffee table.
No response. I closed my eyes, feeling the unfamiliar urge to cry.This is exactly why I should never have agreed to be friends with them. I’m a fucking mess and I don’t know how to be a good person.
I picked up the beer bottles until I found one that wasn’t completely empty. I took a swig, shuddering as the flat, warm liquid slid down my throat.Gross. I quickly chugged the restbefore grabbing the blunt and the lighter. I rested it in my mouth while I flicked the lighter on.
I took a long inhale, feeling the warmth fill my lungs and spread across my chest and body. I held it in before slowly releasing the smoke into the room. I took another hit and stamped it out on the ashtray. I walked to my room, the effects starting to tingle through my limbs, my heart rate and breathing slowing and my cheeks feeling hot.
I dropped my bag and stripped out of my shoes and jeans before collapsing onto my bed. My eyes were burning from the smoke, tears began to sting, and I fanned my face.
I’m not crying. I’m not crying. I’m not crying.
I thought back to the weed brownies and laughter bubbled up out of my throat, the sound ricocheting off the walls of my nearly empty room.
Javi and I had gotten into a fight when he didn’t come home one night last year. He knew I would be worried sick because I always worried about him, yet he refused to give me an explanation for his whereabouts.
I remembered how mad I was that he wouldn’t apologize, and he decided the best way to handle the situation was to ignore me and stay out all weekend. I never found out where the hell he was or what he was doing, but when I came home from school the following week, he was sitting in our room smoking, staring up at the ceiling.
He finally apologized and said he would try and let me know next time he wasn’t going to be coming home so that I wouldn’t worry. Then we went looking for more weed and ended up baking brownies to spite dad and use up his whole stash.
Fuck, what I would give to have another argument with him.
My chest was aching, and I tried to blame it on the smoke in my lungs and my healing ribs, but I knew I was lying to myself. I missed him. So fucking much.
The thought that come Monday I wouldn’t be spending time with Nox and Jae, despite how annoying listening to them was, weighed down my chest. I didn’t want to lose anyone else, and I definitely didn’t want to admit that I actually, probably,maybecared about them enough to miss them too.
Twelve
October 9, Saturday
Enoch
“Dude, that was kinda crazy, right?” Jae asked me before taking a bite of his brownie.
“Right?” I said with a head nod in agreement. I stared down at Shiloh’s half-eaten plate.
We sat in silence for a while, and I sighed grabbing my phone. “Dang it,” I muttered, dropping it back down on the counter.
“What?”
I chuckled self-deprecatingly. “I was going to text Shiloh. Make sure she got home okay”
“Bro, you are so whipped.”
I rolled my eyes. “Shut up.”
“Well…go on,” he gestured. “Text her.”
