I crossed into the wealthier side of town, a newer neighborhood of tract homes, and strained to read the street signs in the dark. I was beginning to think that I was lost when I finally reached the first street Jae had told me to turn down. Other than the sound of cicadas and the occasional car driving by, it was quiet in this neighborhood, a stark contrast to where I lived. The houses all seemed to have maintained yards, and they didn’t have iron gates on their doors or bars over their windows.
The pretty houses probably had just as ugly and dark secrets in their walls as mine did. They were just better at hiding it. I was envious of them regardless. If we had money growing up, maybe my life would have turned out differently. Maybe I wouldn’t be trapped here in nowhere, Texas without a penny to my name or a person who loved me. Wouldn’t be pretending I wasn’t complicit in my brother’s murder. Wouldn’t be heading for the lowest level of hell with the sins I’d yet to commit on Carlos’s behalf.
I thought I could make out the shape of Nox’s car and smiled when I got close enough to recognize the bumper stickers. I walked up the driveway and rang the doorbell, quickly looking down at my outfit to make sure I didn’t look too ridiculous. There was barking coming from inside the house when Jae answered the door with a smile.
“Hey! Come in,” he stepped aside so that I could enter the house. “Nox! It’s Shiloh.”
Jae instructed me to leave my shoes by the door and said that he’d give me a pair of house shoes. I was slipping my sneakers off as Nox peered around the corner.
“Hey! You made it,” he smiled.
I stood up, but too quickly, and little black dots muddied my vision. I held onto the wall for a moment as I waited for them to clear.
“You okay?” Jae asked as he turned around to hand me a pair of slippers.
“Fine,” I said, dropping the slippers on the floor to step into them.
Out of the darkness to my left a woman’s voice called out, causing me to flinch and curl my arms into my chest.Fuck you, Shiloh. Get a fucking grip. So fucking pathetic.
“Sorry honey, I didn’t mean to startle you,” a tall slender woman said, brushing my arm as she stepped into the hall. “I’m Jae’s mom, Mrs. Min-Baker, we met earlier this week. Let me get you something to eat.”
I began to protest but Jae nudged my arm and shook his head.
“Trust me, just eat whatever she feeds you,” he leaned down and whispered in my ear.
My hands were starting to shake from the lack of food in my body, so I nodded in agreement. We followed her into the kitchen where Nox was mixing something in a bowl.
I took a moment to scan the brightly lit room. The kitchen was clean aside from whatever Nox was making and the living room behind us was also perfectly in order. It was as if every picture frame and decor piece had been strategically placed. I couldn’t help but feel a little uncomfortable in the organized environment. Where was the clutter? Stacks of mail, used dishes, crumbs on the counter?
It felt like the room was mocking my baggy clothing, frizzy hair, and the dirt under my nails. I felt out of place, and like I desperately needed a shower. It was as if I was a small child again, afraid I was going to break something.
I found myself scrutinizing their expressions as Nox explained that he was making brownies, Jae ranted about the actors in the impending show we were to watch, and Mrs. Min-Baker prepared me leftovers.
Were they really happy to have me?
Did they notice that I didn’t fit in?
I couldn’t tell. Nox and Jae seemed to be having silent conversations in between the one they were having with me.
Why the fuck am I even here?I tried to relieve the tension in my chest by shaking my foot.I should’ve risked poker night at home, even without my bedroom door and deadbolts for protection.
I moaned after the first bite hit my tastebuds, my eyes involuntarily rolling into the back of my head. I had no idea what I was eating, but it was some sort of soup that tasted divine. I opened my eyes to see them all staring at me and quickly apologized.Jesus I’m acting like a fucking weirdo.
“I’m glad you like it,” Mrs. Min-Baker said with a warm smile. “There’s plenty more if you want some.”
When I finished eating the leftovers that had been warmed for me, I tried to take my bowl and glass to the sink to washthem, but Jae’s mom grabbed them as if she had been waiting this whole time for me to finish.
Her soft features accentuated her kind manner, and I thanked her with a smile, not wanting to disappoint her. I didn’t know why I cared what she thought of me, just something about her made me want her approval.
The smell of the chocolate batter was replacing the soup I had eaten, causing my mouth to water. The smell brought a memory rushing back to me.
“Tonta,” Javi chuckled, bumping my shoulder with his elbow.
I let out a contented sigh and slouched further into his sunken mattress.
“How come dad doesn’t like me?” I wondered aloud, unfazed by the vulnerability I was displaying thanks to the amount of THC I had just consumed.
Javier wiped his hands on his jeans before flipping over so he could look at me. He stared at me for some time, and I traced his features with my eyes, waiting for him to respond.
