I stifled the urge to scream until my throat bled because Javier raised me to be strong, to survive, to always keep fighting.
Maybe I couldn’t see an out now, but I just needed to be patient. Carlos had revealed his hand last night, and I had leverage now too. He needed me, had been waiting for me to join for over a year. For once in my life, I was important. I might not have had the upper hand, but that smidge of knowledge could be useful one day.
I would keep fighting, if not for Javier, for the sake of those children that didn’t need to be punished for the sins of their fathers.
Just a little longer.
Just a little longer.
Just. A. Little. Longer.
???
October 6, Wednesday
Enoch
Iknew we weren’t necessarily friends, but I didn’t want to lose another one. I spent my whole childhood constantly saying goodbye, friendships like a revolving door. I eventually became content with just sticking to myself, probablyas a coping mechanism, but it ultimately saved me the heartache of getting close to someone that would eventually drift away. Sure, maybe it wasn’t the healthiest in hindsight, but it shaped me into the person that I was today. I had since learned to be at peace in solitude and truly appreciate the people that I did have close to me.
We moved every two to three years, just long enough to feel comfortable and at ‘home’ before my dad was assigned to a new unit at another military base somewhere around the globe. Of course, I tried to make connections, friends in school or in extracurricular programs, but sooner or later one of us would end up moving. That was just the reality of going to school on a military base. At first, they would stay in touch, but only until they found someone to replace me at their new home.
It just became easier to not get attached to anyone. I wasn’t a complete loner, I had ‘friends’, people I spoke to at school, but I always built a barrier, a line that they couldn’t cross as they tried to weave themselves into my life. When we inevitably parted ways, I didn’t bother trying to stay in touch because then I wouldn’t deal with the rejection when they didn’t reciprocate. I learned quickly that relationships take effort from both parties, and I was done being the only one trying. It made me feel desperate and lame.
When my dad retired almost five years ago, we settled for the first time in my life in one location for the foreseeable future. Jae lived here and I was excited to have a built-in friend. He was the only constant in my life other than my siblings, and it was easy to let him in because he was family.
I’d spent time with Jae during holidays or when we visited during my dad’s deployments, but when we moved here, I actually got to know him on a deeper level. I’d known that he was a reserved person in most situations, quiet, an observer, but I didn’t think that he would be friendless. Apparently, he hadgotten bullied in middle school, and he was just as eager to have a friend to start high school with.
Over the years, we grew to be pretty inseparable and no one else joined our friend group. We weren’t avoiding others, we were just comfortable. Jae had a girlfriend for about a month last summer, but otherwise it had just been the two of us. And since I would be leaving for the military at the end of the school year, I wasn’t planning on expanding our duo.
Until Shiloh happened.
Even though she could use some manners, I voluntarily wanted to spend more time with Shiloh outside of tutoring. I liked that she didn’t care about being overly nice. It amused me how blunt she was, and, my God, did she have the mouth of a sailor. I mean, sure, I swore on occasion when I felt it was necessary, being surrounded by military folk my whole life meant I knew every swear word in the book, but Shiloh seemed to swear just for the sake of swearing.
I couldn’t put my finger on it, but whatever the reason she acted the way she did—cold, brash and unapologetic, almost ruthless—it wasn’t enough to push me away.
So, asking Jae to help me be on the lookout for Shiloh was completely out of character. It was even more out of character when I nudged him in the chest and gestured towards Shiloh sitting at a table alone in the corner of the cafeteria.
“Let’s go sit with her,” I said, although it sounded more like a question as I wanted him to know he had a choice in the matter.
He hesitated for a moment before shrugging, “Sure. Anything for lover boy.”
I could tell by his voice that he was teasing, and I knocked into him as he unscrewed the cap to his water bottle, causing it to slosh over the sides as he tipped it towards his mouth. I chuckledto myself and ignored his annoyed groan as I continued in a bee line for Shiloh’s table.
“Hey,” I said, leaning my knees against the bench opposite her.
She looked up, startled momentarily, before beginning to slowly chew the food in her mouth as if she wasn’t just scarfing it down like she was in a timed competition. She gave me a look as if to say,‘what do you want?’and I motioned to the table.
“Can we sit?” I asked, watching as she looked over my shoulder. Her body tensed, her eyes narrowing. “I promise not to interrupt your plotting for murder,” I joked with a half-grin.
She eventually swallowed and rolled her eyes, “I thought you’d know by now that this is just my natural state,” she deadpanned, pointing to her scowling face.
Jae laughed awkwardly beside me, and Shiloh shook her head.
“Fine, but you should know you’ll be moved up a spot on my hit list.”
“Duly noted,” I said with a grin, quickly taking a seat, Jae following suit.
“Nice to see you again,” Jae said as he pulled out his lunch from his backpack, reminding me to do the same. “Did you make up with your boyfriend?”
