I closed my eyes, swallowing the urge to scream or cry, or maybe both.
Think. Think, Shiloh.
If I agreed, if I said I was going to join, I could buy myself some time. Even if the chance was slim-to-none that I might be able to get out, there was still a chance.
Or, I could just end it all. I could end it all and be done. I wouldn’t be around to feel guilty for the innocent children that Carlos would take in my place. I wouldn’t have to live through the grief of losing my brother, losing my freedom and following in his footsteps.
But maybe…maybe I could survive just a little longer.
Maybe I could be strong for once in my sorry excuse for a life and just survive.
“Okay,” I whispered. I cleared my throat and opened my eyes. I stared into Carlos’s brown eyes and nodded. “I want to join Los Siete.”
Carlos sighed with contentment, sweeping a hand over his styled hair. “You’re making the right choice.”
Fuck, I really hope I am.
The adrenaline was making my hands tingle and my heart race. I swallowed against the urge to vomit again.
“You want me to trust you, right?”
Carlos nodded.
“Promise me you won’t take those kids.”
Carlos licked his lips, studying me, and the apprehension made me sweat.
“I will only take someone in your place should you, like your father and brother, become unreliable. But I have faith in you, Shiloh. Faith in your abilities, your strengths.”
Carlos waved his hand at Adrian, who returned to his seat in an armchair in the corner of the room. It was too fucking hot with the fireplace on. God, I needed some fresh air.
“Have you taken a morning-after pill?”
I raised a brow in shock, turning my gaze from the flickering flames to his face. Carlos chuckled.
“We both know that the last thing you need right now is to have a baby.”
I unclenched my jaw. “No, I haven’t.”
“Okay,” he said with a head nod. “I’ll have Cristian come back and see that you’re treated. I know you’re in pain from the fight you put up with Marcus and Peter.”
“I’m not letting that fuckface drug me again,” I spat, vaguely remembering the man who had been in before with the medical bag.
Carlos smiled with amusement. “He won’t do anything you don’t consent to.”
“Like he did with the truth serum?”
Carlos stifled a laugh, “I don’t recall younotconsenting, sweetheart.”
My stomach burned with shame. I hadn’t even attempted to shove the man away.Fuck, I’m a weak fucking puta. I promise I’ll do better, Javi. I promise.
Carlos suddenly stood and retrieved a file from his desk. He returned, placing the open file on the coffee table in front of us. He picked up a professional headshot and handed it to me.
“Meet the honorable Judge Spinner.” I studied the man, his face as average as any middle-aged white man’s.
“You will meet with him tomorrow at four, in his chambers at the courthouse.” My stomach lurched at the thought of what might happen in those chambers.
“He won’t be expecting you, but he will be expecting this,” he said as he pulled an envelope from the folder.
