“What about?” I asked, trying to remain calm.
Sebastian stared at me. The answer was written on his face.The motherfucking idiot. Why does he have to be so damn innocent and think the police in this town can actually fucking do anything?
It didn’t fucking matter if Dan was good police or not, he couldn’t help and involving him would only get us all fucking hurt. Sebastian was acting like a fucking idiot, and I was going to punch him in the dick if he had officially made his concerns known to the police.Fuck!
Dan cleared his throat and began to speak. “Listen, why don’t you take a seat.”
I eyed them both warily but took the empty space next to Sebastian while Dan sat on the edge of the coffee table. The silence was making my stomach hurt as I tried to find a way to get out of this conversation.
“What is this about?” I asked, unable to take their stares any longer.
“I understand that your brother passed away a couple months ago and you’re living alone now with your dad. Right?”
Passed away. I clenched my fists.Like my brother’s death was peaceful and timely. What a fucking dick.
I nodded, waiting to see where Dan was going with this conversation.
“Look,” Seb started, “I know how things were when we were kids, Shy. And I don’t think you should be staying with him alone.”
I narrowed my eyes at Sebastian, my jaw aching with the pressure of restraining myself from strangling him. “What do you mean?”
“The drugs and the violence. And thekindof people that hang around. I don’t want you around them anymore.”
Fuck! Is he talking about Los Siete? Did he know his uncle and father were involved? Did he know what Javier was doing? He left before Javi was initiated, but maybe Javi had shared some of his secrets with Seb.I swallowed my anger and put on a confused expression.
“Look. I’m not really sure what you thought, orthinkis going on at home, but we donotneed the police involved. Seriously, I’m good. Or I will be. I’m just…grieving, okay? I don’t need the police. Please,” I said with a look of desperation at Sebastian. “Seb, you know my dad is undocumented. Wecannothave the police involved.”
“It doesn’t need to be a police matter, Shiloh. We just want to make sure that you’re safe. That you’re okay.” Dan said gently.
Fuck, is this guy for real? Is he genuinely concerned about me?
“But your dad is still using though, right?” Sebastian asked.
I shrugged. “Has been practically my whole life. Doesn’t mean I need you to get involved. I’ve got a roof over my head, food in the fridge. There’s nothing that warrants your concern.”
“It does though. Especially when you’re having panic attacks and hurting yourself.” Sebastian’s eyes became glassy with tears, and I moved my hands out of reach when he tried to hold them.The hell? Dan told Seb about my panic attack?“I’m worried about you. About your mental health. Your brother killed himself, Shiloh. That’s traumatic for anyone but especially a seventeen-year-old who’s already lived through enough trauma for seven lifetimes.”
“Fight like hell.”
I fought the tears and the lump in my throat urging me to just tell the truth. But there was nothing that the truth would achieve but put their lives in danger. My brother’s death had served its purpose—Carlos had successfully scared me shitless against ever going to law enforcement.
“Are you speaking to a counselor? Have you been prescribed any medication for the panic attacks?” Dan asked when I didn’t respond.
“Um, yeah. I’ve seen the school psychologist.” I internally rolled my eyes, thinking about how Ms. Gonzalez and Mr. Crane were going to be disappointed when I finally dropped out. They’d been hounding me for over a week now about my lack of school attendance and effort in remediating my grades. I’d officially been withdrawn from my AP Calculus class and had been using the extra free time as a napping hour.
“That’s good.”
Sebastian nodded in agreement, but I could still see the wariness in his eyes. He wasn’t happy with my answers.
“Do you want to come stay with Eden and I? I can talk to your dad about it. We can turn the office into a bedroom. We can get it sorted with school to get you on an IEP or whatever you need so you don’t fall behind.”
His face was pleading with me to say yes, and I wished so badly that it was that simple. My chest ached with how much ithurt to lie to him. Seb cared about me, and I wasn’t allowed to let him.Fuck, he only cares because he doesn’t know what I’ve done.
“I don’t think that’s necessary. But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll think about it.”
Sebastian sighed heavily and opened his arms for a hug. I accepted, but only because I knew it would probably be the last time I saw him before I left for RLS. I prayed he would forgive me if he ever discovered the truth.
I pulled away from the hug, feeling awkward when Enoch entered the room and cleared his throat.
