Stop, Shiloh. You can’t get horny right now you sick fucker.
I cleared my throat. “That’s your name, idiot.”
“I know. But everyone else calls me Nox.”
“Or Enushka,” I chuckled.
“Only Baba calls me that,” he sighed but I could see the smile on his lips. “Enoch is so formal.”
I hummed in thought. “I dunno. It just kind of started in my head one day and it stuck. I guess it’s like a nickname, but, like, in reverse since it’s just the full version of your name. Does it bother you?”
“No.” He ran his hand up the length of my back a few times before continuing. “I didn’t think I liked my name until I heard you say it. I like that no one else but you says my name like that.”
I smiled to myself, the butterflies erupting again in my belly.I wish I could keep him forever.I tucked my chin into his warm chest, nuzzling further, practically entirely on top of his chest, his arms wrapping around my back and holding me securely. His heart was beating steadily, and I focused on it as I thought about his questions the other day.
“Does it bother, I mean, when I told you that I’d been with someone else, did you think like….I dunno, were you…” I struggled to finish the sentence, huffing in frustration and Enoch ran a hand through my hair.
“Shiloh, I would never judge you for having sex, if that’s what you’re worried about. That doesn’t change how I feel about you, so long as you’re not sleeping with other people when we’re together. I mean, if that happens, you know. If you want,” Enoch trailed off, his confidence wavering.
It sent a wave of nausea crashing over me, hearing him talk about our future. The one that would never become a reality. Because I was fucking courting a man ten-years my senior that I was hoping to marry soon.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. I couldn’t manage to say anything else, afraid I might throw up or cry.
Just enjoy this moment, Shiloh. You’ve got to cut ties after this.
He squeezed me gently, kissing the top of my head, before I eventually found sleep beckoning and gave in.
Thirty-Three
November 20, Saturday
Shiloh
We’d all just finished breakfast, and I was waiting for Enoch to finish in the shower so I could jump in. Eden and Seb were like a perfect family with little Ruthie, and I couldn’t help but stare at them in awe and jealousy. Because one day I really wanted that, and I wasn’t excited about the prospect of that being with Theodore.
I shook out of my thoughts when Seb sunk onto the couch beside me.
“So…how’s life?”
I snorted and shook my head. “Really?”
“What? Just making conversation. We haven’t gotten a chance to really hang out alone.”
I sighed, giving him a soft smile. “Yeah. I know. Sorry.”
He raised his arm and let me lean against him in a half-hug. “I feel like there’s an elephant in the room, but I don’t wanna bring it up if it’s just going to make you cry.”
“You mean Javier?”
“Yeah.”
I sighed and nodded against his shoulder.
“You know, I’ve been wanting to ask you actually. You said that you were there when I got diagnosed and that it didn’t happen until I was two.”
“Yeah. You were just under two years old when your dad got full custody of you because of the accident.”
I sat up straight, pulling away so that I could gawk at him. “The fuck are you talking about?”
